Searching to Forget
by Whitlock Musket
Summary: For Bella forgetting is easy. Remembering who she is and trusting it to be enough, that's the hard part. Just when she begins come to terms with this, a long forgotten secret will change everything.  Warnings:  hinting at rape early on and drug use
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi everyone. Thanks for giving the story a try. I like the Jasper/Bella pairing and thought I would give it a try. Jasper won't show up for at least one more chapter. I have some back story I want to get into. This is the first thing I've written for Twilight, and the first thing in years. Hope you enjoy.

BPOV

Well this sure as hell wasn't how I expected my life to be playing out in front of me, sitting in this dimly lit living room on a couch that had no doubt been found at the side of the road. It featured a brown floral pattern that reminded me of every old person's basement I had ever been in. It reeked of smoke but I couldn't tell how much of that was old and how much the current owners had contributed. Yet somehow I was comfortable here in this messy room, and even in my messy life. Maybe it was because I had tried so hard to pretend that I was normal that I was even fooling myself.

I took the little pill that Trip handed me and put it under my tongue before sinking back down into the old sofa, laying my head into his lap.

How did I end up here anyway? I had come here from my dorm room, I knew that. I spent more of my time here than in that small box of a room I shared only with my thoughts. I only took it because Charlie and Renee paid my rent and would not be okay with me living with this group of guys. But how did I end up here in Rhode Island, in this situation? I never considered myself to be completely straitlaced or even judgmental of others' actions, but this just wasn't the type of situation that I saw in Washington.

I guess I was here, at least in Rhode Island through my parents' exile. I didn't really care if I went to college or not. Renee, Phil, Charlie, they all tried to push me into it. They thought it would be good for me to focus on something. There was a time when I was set on the University of Alaska, but I knew I wasn't going there anymore, too many reminders of what once was and what could have been. While in my zombie stage I had mindlessly applied to schools to make them happy, filling out whatever applications I had picked up in the guidance office.

I was living in Jacksonville when I started to get my acceptance letters in the spring. I picked the University of Rhode Island because it was the only East Coast school I had to applied to and that way I would far way from both Jacksonville and Forks.

Renee and Phil could no longer put up with me. They said they were going back on the road, but I knew they only did so because they could no longer tolerate me. To tell the truth I was ready to get as far away from everything that reminded me of my old life as possible. It also didn't hurt that Trip was going to school at the Rhode Island School of Design.

I thought the fact that I had a friend would have made Renee and Phil happy. When I showed up at their door, the shell of my former self they were beside themselves. When I started going out, doing normal teenage things, they even seemed happy at first. But when they started to feel I had moved from an anti-social zombie, to a drug induced one, Renee didn't know how to take charge because she never had before. So that was it. I was sent away, for the second time in my recent past.

Charlie had done the same thing with me only months before. He couldn't take the return of zombie Bella. I had spent months going through the motions and Charlie was so happy when he thought I had been making progress with Jake. I was starting to feel like I would actually heal after all. The whole in my chest closed a little when I was with him. But then he stopped taking my calls and seeing me. Of course I found out that it was because he was a wolf.

I didn't care, I knew his secret and we were free to be together (whatever that meant to each of us). But then Sam ordered him not to see me anymore. He didn't have a choice, he had to follow orders. That was in March, when my life fell apart again.

I guess Charlie couldn't go there again. He arranged for me to finish my year in Jacksonville. The school year was almost done, and so long as I passed my exams in Florida I would graduate. I had somehow did well enough even in my zombie state to warrant this. Maybe my teachers had felt sorry for me.

So that's how I found myself on a Jacksonville beach on a late April day sitting by myself. Renee and Phil were always trying to get me out of the house and I liked it here. I could be alone and there were few reminders of things I didn't want to think of.

That particular day I was sitting in a shady spot under some boats. I sat there each afternoon as it was the only shade for miles. This day the beach was empty apart from two girls sun tanning. By the way they were talking I would have guessed they were straight from the valley.

A group of guys made their way onto the sand and surrounded the girls, making various attempts to get their attention. One of them stayed behind and I wondered why he was not joining in his the contest for the girls' affection. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, not quite the khakis and polos that his friends were wearing. His shaggy brown hair fell just beneath his eyes as he shook his head at their amusement.

I looked back to the group and didn't realize he was making his way over to me. He was already sitting next to me when I noticed. I didn't acknowledge his arrival, I wasn't about to start making friends now.

That didn't stop him from breaking my silence. "What are you doing all alone in the one shaded place in all of Jacksonville? It makes you look anti-social. Besides, it looks like you could use the sun anyway." Really, was this guy serious? I didn't even know him and he joked like were old friends.

I tried to ignore him and went back to looking at the guys making fools of themselves over the girls. I should have brought a book or some music. I still didn't like either much these days, they reminded me of someone or something I wanted to forget. But I could at least pretend to be occupied with them.

"Friends of yours?" He asked and it looked like he wasn't going to quit.

I decided to play along, hoping that it would bring an end to the conversation. "Sure, Candy and Kiki over there and I are like the best of friends." I rolled my eyes and looked away. Maybe he would get the point I didn't want to chat.

"Oh, well then I guess that must make you Cookie." I stifled a small laugh. I hadn't done that in so long that I had almost forgotten what it felt like.

I didn't have any intentions of continuing the conversation, but I was caught off guard by my desire to smile and before I knew it I was speaking with him. "And why have you ventured over here into the shadows? Shouldn't you be with your friends over there."

"Well you see I'm the tortured artist type. I'm much more comfortable in the shadows." He said with a smirk. "That's my brother there in the yellow shirt. I'm home for the summer from school and he dragged me out with his friends. I much prefer to watch people from afar." It was easy talking to him, and that scared me more. He was leaving again in a few months. I couldn't handle anyone else leaving me, so there was no way I wanted to make friends.

I wondered why he had come to talk to me if he preferred to be on the outskirts and watch people. As if he knew what I was thinking he broke into my thoughts saying, "You know, I could just tell we are kindred spirits you and I."

Lucky for me the two girls were leaving and the guys were following closely afterwards. "You're friends are leaving, you wouldn't want to miss them."

"Well, I'm Trip. I guess I'll see you around Cookie." I shook my head with a smirk as he walked away.

To my surprise he was right. He started hanging out at the beach more often and we actually became friends. I don't know how it happened, but it did and it was like I was powerless to stop it. I found that I didn't mind though. We just clicked and it was easy, like it had been with Jake.

He was sarcastic and found most people to be intolerable. Maybe he was right that we were kindred spirits. He had been an outcast most of his life and never considered himself to be "normal". We often found ourselves people watching, providing social commentary on what other people were doing.

It was easy, but things were still hard for me. I did my best to forget that hole in my chest, but it still ached. Trip and I grew closer, and after we had been hanging out for about a month we went to a beach party with his brother and his friends. When he handed me a cliched red cup I looked at it for a minute. "Take it Cookie, It's not poison I promise." As I took a sip, I saw _his_ golden features. It had been so long since I had seen them. They had started to fade a little and that made me sad. After Jake left, I didn't have the heart to continue my dangerous streak that I had been on trying to find his face.

"Don't start this, Bella." I didn't know what _he_ meant and so I continued drinking. He didn't fight me or re-appear. He didn't care anymore and my subconscious knew it so I guess it let it go.

I actually had a good summer. Sure I was still upset, but I was making it through, hanging out with Trip and some of his friends. We spent a lot of time at parties or the beach. I was supposed to be having a normal teenage experience, that's what he had said wasn't it. That first night that someone passed me a joint I didn't even see his face. He was truly gone.

My parents thought my teenage rebellion was getting out of hand and that brings us back to here. I moved to Rhode Island to go to school. Trip and I hung out all the time. He had some friends that we spent time with too and we spent most of our time in the house he shared with them, or out at some party or another. All the while I was searching for something. To remember or to forget? I wasn't sure which I wanted. With each substance I put into my body a part of me hoped to see his face again. Maybe if I took it up one level I would.

But most of me did it to forget. At some point while I was out pretending to live a normal life I actually started to do so, at least to some extent. I made friends with these other outsiders and when I drank a beer I didn't think about the past, only where I was.

And that's why I was here, after the long year that started after he left me in the woods. The woods... that's right. He doesn't love me, he never did. He's leaving. I watched as his figure retreated away from me again just like before, and suddenly I was alone.

"No, don't leave me!"

Suddenly I was being shaken by the shoulders. "Cookie, snap out of it. You must be having a bad trip, you're screaming something about being left in the woods."

Oh that's right, back to reality. I shook my head, trying to erase the memory.. "Sorry, Trip" I said as I sat up. I had gotten so good at forgetting, why had it broken through now. "Let's get out of here, what do you say?"

"Whatever you say Cookie, let's go listen to some terrible music, watch some terrible dancing, and drink some terrible beer. Let's go be normal."

A/N: Just wanted to say I'm not from the States, so if I at any point mess up anything relating to exact details with schools or states I apologize in advance. Please Review!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you everyone who read the first chapter and especially to all of you have decided to stick with it. An even bigger thank you to my first reviewers! I have responded to everyone who has reviewed so far and intend to continue doing so.**

**I forgot to post this in the first chapter. I often draw some of my ideas from music, not that I write based on the lyrics, more the feeling the song brings about. I will share with you the theme of each chapter. Last chapter's was Champagne Supernova by Oasis. This chapter's is The Freshman by the Verve Pipe. Check them out if you're interested.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, well except maybe Trip. He's no Jasper but I'll take what I can get ;)**

BPOV:

I was feeling pretty good, albeit rather restless. I was walking with Trip and one of his housemates Luke, but the moving of my feet across the cracked sidewalk was not nearly quick enough for my brain. Trip was so laid back, walking like he had all the time in the world. That seemed to be his approach to everything in life. I could see why he got along so well with Luke. Between the two of them, I don't know how they ever got anything done. Luke had a very similar personality although he was much larger, possessing a similar build to Em..

I stopped my brain from trying to go down that path. I began to think about the chill in the air and wondered momentarily why I hadn't thought to bring a jacket. I honestly didn't care at this moment though. I was happy to be out of the house and just wanted to get wherever we were going. "Are we there yet Trip, where the hell are you taking us anyway, Mexico?"

The question elicited a hearty chuckle from Luke but Trip just rolled his eyes at me. I didn't understand why, it felt like we had been walking forever.

"Chill Cookie, we have only been walking ten minutes." Ten minutes? Before I could dwell on that thought too long my mind considered that he was still calling me Cookie. I was all over the place but I wondered something.

"Trip, you know I have an actual name don't you?"

"I know that, but Cookie just seems to suit you better." He said as he lightly knocked me with his shoulder. I kind of liked having a nickname anyway. It went with my new, normal life. Before I could say anything else he continued. "Well you can cool your jets because we're here."

We were standing in front of a rather statuesque structure made of red brick. I could tell just by looking at it that it was rather old. It hadn't fallen into disrepair, but it was clear that it had weathered many decades. My eyes moved from the wrap around porch up to the roof, noticing on the way the greek letters hanging there. "Really? A frat house?" This did not seem like either Trip or Luke's scene at all.

Trip laughed a little at my cynicism. "Hey, is this not what college kids are supposed to do?" I rolled my eyes at his sarcastic attempt at normalcy. "Besides," he continued "I know one of the guys that lives here, they're not all bad."

I just shrugged. "Alright, well let's go, I could use a drink."

We were sitting in a living room in the basement of the house. Suddenly I felt more like we were back at Trip's place. It was very dimly lit and the green furniture could have a place right alongside his in a throwback to the 60s. Trip was right, there were all types of people here. I guess I had been misled by the movies. Despite this fact we still found ourselves in the basement with the other peripheral types.

Trip went to get us all a drink so I was left sitting with Luke and some other guys I didn't really know. We didn't really say much, just sat there in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Already I was getting antsy again though. As Luke pulled out some papers and began rolling a joint I just nodded. It probably wouldn't hurt me to calm down right about now.

Once Luke was done his work I grabbed it and inhaled as he lit the end for me. I breathed in deeply, already feeling more relaxed as I blew smoke into the air around me.

As I passed it back to Luke I noticed a guy across the room watching us intently. There was a girl on each side of him competing for his attention. They were each practically throwing themselves at him and I rolled my eyes as I took the joint back from one of the guys sitting next to Luke.

Trip re-entered the room balancing three drinks between his fingers. He sat down next to me and threw his arm casually over my shoulder as her handed a cup to Luke and one to me placing his own on the table before grabbing the joint out of my hands. This only seemed to further peak the interest of the guy sitting across the room and he got up shaking the blonde and the red head from him, much to their dismay, and walked in our direction.

I looked at Trip's arm still draped over my shoulder and thought that the approaching guy must have been cocky if he was coming over to talk to me like I imagined he was. He was good looking, there was no denying it, and I'm sure he was used to getting what he wanted.

He approached, sitting on the coffee table in front of me as he took in Trip's arm as well. Without even introducing himself first he said, "I think we have a lot in common you and I." I laughed a little as I remembered my first meeting with Trip and his assertion that we were kindred spirits. It turned out he may have been at least partially right, but I wondered what it was about me that made guys think they knew everything about me from looking at me. I also wondered what in the world this guy thought we had in common.

When I didn't respond he continued. "I bet either of us could have our pick of anybody in this place, yet no one seems to really measure up." He seemed to be sizing the guys around me up as he said this, especially Trip who by now was caught up in another conversation and had dropped his arm. I could tell he was still glancing in my direction to make sure everything was alright. I just nodded at him, letting him know everything was fine. I didn't need him fighting my battles for me.

I guess I had been right about this guy being cocky. I thought briefly about just being polite but decided against it. "Judging by what you just said I think the only similarity I can find between the two of us is that we occupy the same room." I rolled my eyes as I stood, telling the boys I was going to get a drink.

To my dismay, as I stood waiting for my cup to fill with beer, he re-appeared. "Well I guess we both like beer too. That's something else we have in common," he said with a wink. I rolled my eyes for what felt like the millionth time tonight.

His expression softened slightly as he laughed and changed tactics. "Okay, look I'm sorry. I see that we've gotten off on the wrong foot. I didn't mean to offend you. I just meant that you're so beautiful that I'm sure guys are throwing themselves at you all the time."

I felt the red creeping into my cheeks as I tried to will it down. "Oh, like those girls were to you?" I asked sarcastically still not sure whether to believe him.

"Yeah, I guess. I'm not really into that though. Maybe I like a challenge." I started to laugh as he outstretched his hand to me and said "I'm Chris by the way."

I hesitated before offering up my own hand, mentally noting his warmth before replying. "Bella."

"Well Bella, what do you say to some beer pong?" I thought on it as I looked over at Trip and Luke. Trip was talking to a scraggly looking guy as Luke continued to sit back in the couch. They would still be there when I got back.

"Sure, why the hell not."

A few hours later I found myself upstairs dancing in the crowd of people that now filled the floor. It wasn't really my type of music. It was too clubby for me but after earlier it felt good to burn off some of my energy. I didn't want to stop moving. It was like if my feet stopped moving I might melt into the floor. A much slower song came on and he moved closer to me, wrapping his arms around my back and in turn I reluctantly wrapped my arms around his neck. I was having actually having fun, what's the harm in that.

Before I knew it he was leaning down towards me placing his lips on mine softly at first and then more forcibly. I again noted the warmth of his touch, as if it wasn't meant to be that way. We kissed for another few minutes as he started running his hand downward and up my shirt as he deepened the kiss. I could tell where this was starting to head and I wasn't sure that was where I wanted it to go. Things had changed since those days when I had pleaded with _him_ to make love to me. I wasn't quite as naive as I had been then. I had made out with some guys when I had been drinking or high. I had even fooled around a bit, although it never seemed quite right to me.

And then of course there was that time on the beach.

_Flashback_

_Trip and I were at a party about a month and a half after we had met. We had spent pretty much all our time together and things were good. We had been drinking pretty heavily with some of his brother's friends and I was feeling really good after my first encounter with ecstasy. I was really hot. It had started to become warmer as spring transitioned into summer._

_After some encouragement from some of the guys I found myself diving into the water in my bra and panties. I didn't have my bathing suit on me at the time. Most of the guys followed, stripping down to boxers. We swam around for awhile, but eventually some of the other girls and the alcohol on the beach had most of them getting out. I noticed that Trip wasn't around so I swam to the shallower water where he could hear me. _

"_Triiiiiiip." I called as he looked up at me smirking. "Come out here, I'm lonely."_

"_Oh Cookie, I couldn't keep up with you." He replied as he held up the drink in his hand before continuing. "I'm otherwise occupied anyway."_

"_Bring it with you." He laughed and I quickly added. "And bring me one too."_

_I swam backward watching as he started removing his clothes revealing his pale body. He was probably the only person as pale as me in all of Florida._

_I swam a bit shallower so that I could stand and take the drink as he walked out with them. This revealed the upper half of my body and I realized that the thin lace of my bra left little to the imagination now that I didn't have the water to cover me. I felt my blush spread as I caught Trip's glance downward._

_I quickly took a drink and swam out a bit so that I was treading water but still able to drink. "Get out here slow poke." I teased._

_He did as I asked and we stayed like that for a while sipping and talking. When both of us had finished our drinks and the cups were floating away I saw him coming towards me with clear intentions to tackle me under the water. I tried to swim away but it wasn't long before he caught me and indeed pulled me under. When I made my way back to the surface I punched him but I wasn't angry and my laughter gave it away. As our laughter subsided I noticed that I wasn't kicking to stay afloat and realized he still had his arms around me. I was feeling a bit tired and put my arms around his neck to further rely on him to keep us afloat._

_Sitting like that under the moonlight got to us both I guess and before I knew it our lips were meeting. I wasn't sure who had initiated it but neither one of us stopped it. We had a witty banter between us but it never really seemed like flirting to me. There never felt like any of that was between us. But somehow we lost ourselves in everything tonight and before I knew it we were out of the water, both of our hands roaming as our lips continued heavily in a messy open-mouthed kiss. _

_We were laying on the beach continuing in this fashion. I reached for the thin layer of clothing that remained on him as he pulled away from me briefly. "Cookie, are you sure? What are we doing?"_

_I just continued. "I don't know what's happening but let's just go with it." I didn't have to persuade him any further as he reciprocated by removing my remaining clothing as well. I guess everyone had left by this point as the beach was quiet. I quickly climbed on top of him lowering myself onto him. I noticed some pain but not as much as I expected and besides I was feeling too good to notice it if it were there. We continued to move together, occasionally rolling and switching positions, until I felt his release and I too felt my body tighten and then relax around him. I sat to catch my breathe for a minute before rolling over laying next to him._

_I knew what I was thinking and I guess everything I had taken that evening had removed my filter because I was asking the question before I could stop myself. "Did that feel weird to you too?" Before I could continue or explain Trip held up a hand to me._

_He pulled me closer to his chest as he wrapped his arm around me and I rested my head on his chest, taking note of his steady heart beat. "Now normally I would at least fake angry at that question but I am too exhausted for that. I know exactly what you mean. Don't get me wrong, that was a hell of a lot fun, but it's almost like we weren't meant to be that way."_

_I was glad he understood. It had been fun but the whole experience was slightly off. We definitely had a connection I couldn't deny but still it wasn't right. We were meant to be in each others' lives, the pull was that strong, but not in this way. I half wondered if it would ever be completely right with another human but my brain stopped that train of thought._

_End of flashback_

I was pulled out of my memory as Chris' hands continued to roam and I pulled away. This wasn't right either and I was not prepared to do this with this cocky guy in front of me. "Look, I should get back to my friends."

I started to walk away and down the stairs as I felt his hand on my wrist. I looked to the couch and Trip was no where to be found but Luke was still there. "I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean to push you." He said from behind me.

"I really should be going" was my only response.

"I'm sorry. Let me get you one more drink, we'll just sit and talk and then you can go." I hesitated, but I would at least have to wait for Trip so I nodded. One drink couldn't hurt. He went off into the kitchen as I went and sat in the basement.

He returned handing me the drink. I smiled and thanked him as I started sipping it. We started talking about our respective education and programs but we didn't get very far as I felt everything starting to become a bit fuzzy. I realized I was standing and being dragged upstairs and I heard his warm breath in my ear as he said, "I told you I could have anything I wanted." And then everything started going black.

T (Trip) POV:

I had been outside with a guy I used to know from class. He had been the one to tell me about the party. We chatted a bit downstairs earlier and then just chilled out. He wanted to come out for a smoke and while I didn't consider myself a smoker I enjoyed it when I was drinking. I also had to pee and the line for the bathroom was really long and the alley would work just as well.

I came back and Bella still wasn't here. She had went off dancing awhile ago. I thought about going to find her but became distracted when Luke pulled out another joint and passed it to me. I started thinking about Bella as I lit up and inhaled.

Bella really was something. I found things to be so easy with her. Things were never really easy for me when it came to other people. I never really belonged anywhere, although the closest it came was on the outskirts. While I knew she had some kind of past that made her the way she was, I couldn't it explain it with me. I just never felt like I was in the right place, not even the right world. So I was always looking for something, whether I searched for it in drugs, alcohol, or art. I was never quite in my element.

I know Bella always talked about finding a normal life. That's how I felt sometimes, like I wasn't ever normal, whatever that meant.

But with her I felt a connection, like I was closer to where I was supposed to be. It was never like _that _though. Well I shouldn't say never actually. There was that time on the beach. And as much fun as that was, I could feel something wasn't right about it. I don't know what kind of shit luck that was. Here was a smoking hot girl who I was actually comfortable around but we were destined to remain friends. I would even say that she has become a kind of sister to me.

I was starting to get the munchies now and I was ready to go get some snackage. I wasn't about to leave Bella high and dry though so I figured I would at least tell her where I was going. "Hey, do you know where Bella is?" Luke hadn't moved all night, I figured he might know.

Sure enough he did. "Yeah, she came down with that guy but then they went upstairs."

"Upstairs eh? I'm ready to get out of here, I just wanted to go tell her I'm leaving. You ready?" He nodded and got up, following me to the main floor.

I continued up the next flight of stairs. I hoped I wasn't going to have to walk in on anything. I looked into each bathroom and bedroom, but there was only one with the door closed. I decided to knock and tell her through the door. "Hey Cookie, sorry to interrupt but are you in there?"

There was no answer so I knocked louder. "Cookie? Just wanted to let you know I'm out of here, so I will see you later?"

I was about to walk away when I heard a response. "Dude, she doesn't want to talk right now so just get out of here." That wasn't her.

I was about to oblige. I had told her what was happening and I would come back. But then I thought I heard a little whimper, it almost sounded like my name.

Well I wasn't about to leave now, I was going in. She would forgive me later if I misinterpreted. "Bella," I said, "I'm coming in." I didn't hear her objection so I turned the door handle but of course it was locked. I pushed my shoulder against the door but wasn't getting anywhere.

I called for Luke from the top of the stairs and he made his way up. I explained really quickly what was happening and then the two of us threw our combined forces into the door. It only took two attempts between Luke's size and the age of the wood door.

Sure enough the first thing I saw was that guy jumping up putting on his pants. "What the hell? We're busy in here can't you tell?" I was about to apologize until I looked at the lifeless looking body of my girl on the bed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Before I knew it I had him by the collar of his shirt. He was bigger than me, but I was angry enough at that moment that it didn't matter.

He started to explain something about how she was just tired out but I knew exactly what was going on here. I was pulled out of it when I heard her starting to whimper out my name again. Her eyes were still closed but I could see her trying to flinch. I went and knelt beside her. Luke took over for me and I knew that his size would once again come in handy.

"Cookie?" I said softly as I stroked her cheek. Nothing. "Bella? Are you alright what's happening here?"

I heard him still trying to explain to Luke but I wasn't paying attention to him anymore. I continued to focus on her, hoping to snap her out of it. "Did you want to come up here? Do you want to be here?" I saw her shake her head.

"I feel funny." I barely heard the words leave her mouth it was so low.

I took a deep breath in, trying to steady myself. "Alright Cookie let's get you out of here." I pulled the blanket down a bit and looked at her pale body, realizing she was missing a few items of clothing. I knew if would be cold out but I didn't want to make this any worse for her or spend time trying to find all her clothes. She was wearing her jeans, although they were undone. I didn't know if that was because I got here in time or because he tried to cover it up while we were outside. I don't think I wanted to know at that moment. I didn't see her shirt anywhere, so I took my own sweater off and wrapped it around her and picked her up into my arms.

She was so tiny it wasn't that hard. I carried her outside and saw Luke wailing on that guy. Luke was usually so passive but he was mad. I paused and approached him. "This isn't over, but what did you give her?" A few more punches from Luke and he answered that it was just some muscle relaxants. He wasn't getting off the hook for this but Bella was my first priority now.

What was I supposed to do. Did I bring her to the police station, would she want that? Did I take her to the hospital. If they were just muscle relaxants she would be okay, I know that she definitely had some other things in her system and even if we blamed him, she was underage and there would be a lot of questions. I decided to take her back to my place for now and then she could make up her mind later about the police. I wasn't even sure exactly what had happened.

I stepped out into the cold carrying her with me as I walked quickly towards home. I thought I saw someone watching us in the distance so I sped up a bit more.

BPOV:

My eyelids were heavy and I just wanted to have a little nap. I was still kind of confused. Trip had come to me, I needed him and he came. I was trying so hard not to fall asleep before but now I was safe, Trip had me. He carried me in his arms and I felt safe there even though they were not as strong as...

Again my mind tried to betray me. I wasn't ready to think about _him,_ not tonight. I guess I could add tonight to the list of things I needed to forget.

I was feeling kind of numb as I tried to tell Trip I was going to take a nap but I couldn't quite get my words out. But as my eyelids drooped again I saw something in the distance. Apparently my mind didn't comprehend that I didn't want to think about _him_.

I saw a figure, pale even in the moonlight. I could tell through my haze that even through his clothes that his marble features were chiseled. I was mostly angry that my eyes and mind were betraying me after I had done so well forgetting. The little piece of me that didn't want to believe he was gone or that he didn't love me or care what happened to me was still there though. That tiny piece of me was momentarily excited. But wait, my mind must be really confused, I was imagining the wrong brother...

**A/N: That was a long one! Hope you didn't mind the flashback (i didn't get that much into details since its not a Bella/Trip pairing story) or the Trip pov there, I think it helped get at him a bit, and introduces some things for later on. Have no fear, Jasper ahead..**

**Let me know what you think. I know some of the major plot lines but I do not know the specifics of how we are getting there so your reviews will help inspire me!**

**Also, I'm looking for some Beta love. Before I browse if anyone reading is interested please let me know!**


	3. Chapter 3

Hello again. Thanks for coming back and sticking with me and thank you everyone who reviewed! I answered each and will continue to do so, I really do appreciate it.

Theme song for this chapter: 45 by Shinedown. I think it gets at the feel of Jasper's emotions. I've noticed other people post links on their profile so I will start posting the links to the songs, so check it out there

Without further ado, I still own nothing Twilight related...

JPOV

Well this sure as hell wasn't how I expected my existence to turn out.

How the fuck did things turn out like this anyway? Here I am, walking around the streets of Rhode Island in the middle of the night surrounded only by drunk people, without any seeable future.

This wasn't where I wanted to be. The last thing I wanted was to prove her right. Sure, I may have understood but the last thing I wanted was to give her the satisfaction of being right. I thought back to that conversation we had over six months ago, about eight months after we had left Forks. The family was in Alaska by this point after Edward insisted we leave Washington.

"What am I supposed to do now Alice?" I looked at her wondering if my jaw was dropped with all the shock and surprise that I'm sure I was projecting right at her. She had just told me that we were done. We had been together for decades. Sure we knew that we didn't have the same thing as other couples I know Esme and Carlisle, Rose and Emmett, Peter and Char. She was meant to lead me here and we were meant to be in each others' lives though. We were not mates but we had decided long ago that at least we had each other.

"You're going to go out east for awhile Jazz, Rhode Island it seems." Her response to my rhetorical question brought me back to the moment. I guess I could understand her motivation, but we had been together so long, it's what we had decided. Why go back on it now? And now I was leaving, to go out east? Why would I do that? Unless, she didn't want me here anymore?

"Are you telling me I'm no longer welcome here?" I asked her, not sure if I really wanted the answer.

"No! No, of course not! Jazz, you are still one of my closest friends, of course you're welcome here. This is your family too."

"Well you know what Alice, I will leave. That's because I need sometime to think and don't want to sit around here with all the pity I'm sure to feel. But I want to make one thing clear, I am done being your puppet. I am not just going to do what you and your visions tell me to do anymore."

Her hurt and sadness hit me like a truck. "Fine Jazz, I was just telling you what I saw. I know you're upset. I didn't ask for it these visions you know." She took a deep breath as she calmed herself. "I love you, and I know you know that. But things are finally going to be right for us now, for all of us." What the hell did she mean by that. Of course I knew she loved me, I still loved her too. But it wasn't enough, maybe it never was.

After my conversation with Alice I left Alaska. The family had begged me to stay, saying we could work something out. I agreed to stay in contact and to the possibility of maybe returning someday. They seemed to understand why I needed to leave though. And although I felt their pity as I expected, there was little shock behind it. Maybe everyone had known all along that we were fakes.

I set out, not taking much with me. I didn't know how long I would be gone, or if I'd even be back. Truth is I had few possessions that I cared about. I took with me a few of the small items I had from my human years, a few books, a lighter, and a photograph. I grabbed a few articles of clothing and shoved them into my bag. Most of my clothing was selected and purchased by Alice anyway. I could always get new clothes if I needed too. I took my bag and set out on foot, not really sure where I was heading.

I thought the time to myself could do me some good. I didn't know where to go or what to do so I just lived the life of a nomad, going where I chose, without any plan. I think a part of me thought this way, if she was still watching me, it wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing my whole life before me. I made mostly spur of the moment decisions. I rented cars when I needed them, walked or ran when I could.

I spent time in cities across the country, though mostly sticking to the outskirts. I hunted when I could, whenever I came across wooded areas. I didn't really felt thirsty anymore. I knew I needed to hunt but I rarely felt the desire.

It was the opposite of what I had imagined, even feared. I had been with the Cullens for so long that I was worried what would become of me on my own. I knew I did not wish to return to hunting humans, I couldn't go back to that. But I didn't know what would happen without my anchor to the animal-hunting lifestyle.

The funny thing is, people barely seemed to bother me anymore either. I didn't push my luck, never going to really crowded places. The most contact I had was when I was roaming the streets at night, when I searched for whatever it was I was looking for. I felt like I was on my way somewhere and lost all at the same time.

After about six months of this I started wondering if this was how I would spend eternity, drifting, never tied to anything but always feeling like I was supposed to be somewhere.

I knew I wasn't meant for the nomad existence. I thought about calling Peter and Charlotte. Though they would never try to make me, they drank from humans. Maybe that's why I didn't call them right away, I wanted to make sure I was strong enough first. Or maybe I just needed this time to think. For whatever reason, I decided it was time one night while I was wandering around Virginia.

I sat on the sidewalk of a dark alley searching my pocket for my phone. I could tell that people passing by looked at me like I was mad but I wasn't afraid of anything that would come out of the alley. Then I felt my phone buzzing before I was able to dial myself.

"Jay, what's the haps brother?" Peter's voice rang through as I laughed to myself at his greeting.

"Hey Pete. What the hell kind of hello was that?" He was laughing too, and I could hear Charlotte's melodic laughter in the background.

"Oh you know, got to stay hip to blend in with the cool kids. What are you up to? Where are you hippies hanging your hat these days." It felt good to talk to Peter. I hadn't really talked to anyone in months. He liked to call us hippies due to our lifestyle. I hadn't talked to him since a few months before I left. I had told him I was in Alaska but I didn't know how permanent that would be, mostly because I was expecting Edward to cave and for us to return to Forks.

"I'm not really up to much. Just spending some quiet time in" I had to think about where I was now, I had been moving around so much. "Virginia I guess. I was just about to call you guys."

This caused a small chuckle from his end. "We had an inklin'. Why don't you come visit us, it's been too long."

I was afraid to ask. "Are you guys in Texas?"

"Nope. We have been hitting up the east coast. Char's on some antique kick, looking for some pieces for the house. Come meet us. We're just finishing up in Boston and then we're moving on. We'll be in Rhode Island in a couple of days and we're going to stay there for awhile. Char likes it there, it's peaceful." Dammit, there it is. She was right. I could decide not to go I guess. But I really did miss them and I wanted to see them. I couldn't live my life anymore wondering about her visions. She was right this time, but I was making my own decisions.

"Alright, see you then brother." And I hung up.

Three days later I showed up at an old house they had rented, seemingly of colonial architecture. It was large, but not to the size of any of the Cullen homes. It was three bedrooms and baths but it still had a cozy feeling. Charlotte and Peter both greeted me with hugs, but luckily for me didn't press me for answers.

Earlier tonight, the three of us were out back sitting in a tall tree, having a smoke together. Cigarettes really didn't do anything for a vampire but I found it still had a calming effect of me. Maybe it was habitual and I remembered how it did so when I was a human. Or maybe the act of breathing in deeply and exhaling slowly in itself helped calm me down. Either way, it reduced my stress level, especially when dealing with other people's emotions. It was not something I did often while with the Cullens though. Between their sense of smell, Edward's mind reading abilities, and Alice's visions, it caused more stress dealing with Carlisle, Esme, and Alice's disappointment after they found out.

Peter finally asked the question I'm sure they wanted the answer to since we first spoke. "So it's been two days now that you've been with us. I was waitin' for you to come round but this is getting ridiculous. Are you ever going to tell us what happened?"

"What do you mean?" I knew I couldn't fool them, I don't know why I tried.

Charlotte spoke this time. "Well sugar, you look like you're lost. I had a feeling somethin' wasn't goin' right for you before you even showed up. Now I'm sure of it."

Well, I might as well just tell them. "Well, you know how the last time we visited, a few years back I told you I worried Alice was giving up on us? Well I guess she finally decided it's too much. We both knew that things weren't exactly the way they should be. We had a connection that brought us together and we knew we were meant to be there for each other, but it was never, well like it should be." I looked at Peter and Char and motioned to them with my hands for emphasis before continuing.

"We always enjoyed each others' company and we had been close for so many years. But you can't force people into becoming mates that just aren't. I was okay with how it was, at least I had found some happiness, it was better than what I had known before. I was okay being together, whatever that meant for us, even if it wasn't everyone else's definition. But Alice started growing more restless and I guess that was it. You both know I had always felt like something was still missing, but I could deal with it. But she told me that we were done trying and that we were going to spend some time apart."

I laughed a little and they both just looked at me. "You know, she even told me I would end up here, in Rhode Island. But I went out on my own, trying to make my own choices. I was sick of everything being determined for me and not by me."

Charlotte rested her hand on my should. "You know Jasper, while I think it is important to make our own choices, some things are just meant to happen."

"How can you be so sure Char?"

"Oh hon', I just got a feelin' is all." Maybe she was right. For instance I had felt like I was meant to find the Cullens but I still had the choice of this lifestyle.

I sighed. "Well I'm not sure what to do now or where to go."

Peter chimed back in. "You're a good man Jay, you'll figure it out. And you can stay as long as you like with us."

It felt good to be with them. I wouldn't mind staying, at least for awhile. I loved being with the Cullens but there was so much history with Peter and Char. Besides, I felt like maybe this was where I was supposed to be right now, that this was what I needed.

We hopped down and headed into the house. Once we were inside they headed upstairs and I took my cue to leave. I headed for the door, grabbing my coat, more for show than necessity. I heard Peter call "you don't have to leave Jay."

I chuckled. I knew I didn't have to leave, I was more than used to them after all these years. I had also lived in a house of mated vampires. "Naw, you sure as hell ain't very quiet but it's not just that. I need to hunt anyway."

I hadn't hunted since I arrived. I wasn't planning on being around a lot of humans but I figured this was a good opportunity. I still was being careful not to fall back into my old ways. As much as I loved Peter and Char, that just wasn't my lifestyle anymore.

I found a wooded area just outside of town. We already lived in an isolated area, but I wanted to get a bit farther away. I caught myself a couple of deers and decided not to head back quite yet.

I went into town just walking the streets. It was nice to watch people from afar. Watching people as they passed made me feel like I was still a part of the world, even from a distance.

It was rather quiet tonight. By now it was about 3 AM. I had always liked the quiet. Being away from people gave me a break from their emotions and that was nice sometimes. When I found my way to what appeared to be the college end of town things picked up a bit.

There were drunk people coming home from the bars or parties, others not ready to call it a night. I didn't look out of place here. I looked the age of a college student and was wearing a pair of jeans and my leather jacket.

I walked and laughed as I watched someone stumbling in front of me when I caught a whiff of a familiar scent off in the distane. I couldn't quite place my finger on it. It had the incredible sweetness of something I knew fairly well, but there was something off about it. It almost smelled like someone I had known not too long ago. But I knew her scent, she smelled sweeter than anyone I had ever encountered. This was not pure like her scent. I was still interested though and decided to follow.

I didn't have to go very far. I walked at a quick human's pace and caught up with them after about five minutes. Sure enough there she was. Bella.

I hadn't seen the girl in over a year but it flashed back to me like it was yesterday. My brother's clumsy girlfriend, always so kind and forgiving, even when I tried to attack her on her birthday. That was only a year and some months ago but everything had been so different then. I had "been" with Alice, whatever that meant at the time. I still felt like I had a place that was my home. Bella had a place in the family, and didn't look or smell like she did now.

Her mahogany hair was longer than I remembered, hanging down in loose curls. If it were possible she looked paler than she did the last time I saw her, and worn out. The dark circles under her eyes gave her away.

It was her, but I could tell that time had taken its toll on her as it had me. Now that I was closer it was evident why she smelled different. Her blood was tainted, a bit of sour added into the sweetness.

I took in the scene in front of me. She was laying in the arms of some guy, her head pressed into his chest. She was wearing jeans and a sweater that clearly belonged to a guy. The guy was only wearing a t-shirt so I assumed it was his. He didn't look cold though, which I thought was strange for the time of year. Maybe he was on something.

I thought I saw her look at me for a second through groggy eyes as I felt fear and confusion coming off of her. Her emotions were weak though and her eyes were now closed.

I did not like what I was looking at. She was not happy with the situation she was in and something had obviously happened to her. I couldn't help a low growl that wanted to escape from my chest. I had felt defensive of her since she came to the family, we all had. I guess those feelings did not fade with time.

I hadn't known her very well, but when she was around I felt like she was in the right place. It was the same way I knew Alice and I were meant to meet. I always assumed that meant she was meant to be a part of the family. Edward had never really let her get too close to me though. He was probably afraid I'd hurt her, I can't say I blame him.

There were still people around and I decided to try not to make a scene. They were on the other side of the street now and I walked at a very quick human pace to follow them. I didn't want any unnecessary attention, it wouldn't help me or Bella. At the same time, I was angry. I didn't know what had happened and so I took off after them.

He noticed my approach and I tried to pinpoint his emotions. I could see the worry in his face as he looked at Bella. I wanted to know if he was afraid and likely to run. I could also see if he was guilty, dishonest. The funny thing was that I got nothing at all from him. I guess he must be really strung up on something because he was completely blank.

I noticed a shift in Bella's emotions though as she sunk deeper into his chest. Trust, safety, love, though not romantic. She was not afraid of being with him and that made me feel slightly better. But only slightly.

"Hey!" I cried out after them as I was approaching. "Wait up!" This only caused him to walk faster.

I decided to just take off after him and deal with whatever humans saw me after. They were probably all too drunk to be believable anyway. "Bella!" I cried out as I took off, but then they were gone. Just like that.

He couldn't lose me that easily. I started off on their trail as I realized something that stopped me dead in my tracks. I couldn't smell him. He had no scent and he could disappear into thin air. He couldn't have been faster than me and I had perfect night vision. It didn't make any sense.

What was this guy? I knew he wasn't a vampire. He had been pale, but only in a human way, although more to the extreme like Bella. His eyes had been brown, not golden, black, or red.

I had a feeling that Bella was safe with him based on her emotions, but I still had to find them. Whatever he was, I guess he didn't realize that I could still smell Bella. Her scent may have been muffled and tainted but I started to follow the light trail, more determined than ever.

A/N: Well, hope you guys are happy to see Jasper's appearance. I know it was still a bit slow, but we needed the background. I think it will be worth it so I hope you stick around. And please review, I'd love to hear what you guys think or what you think is going to happen, or whatever you have to say!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hello everyone. I am sorry, my computer decided to give out. It's over 5 years old now and it's been through a lot with me so I guess I can understand. I couldn't load anything, I only had that rainbow circle of spinning death.**

**Theme song for this chapter: White Horse by Taylor Swift. I usually post the song a couple days before the chapter, so if you're ever curious ahead of time check it out. **

**Anyway, you know the drill, I'm still poor and not famous and am stuck with the same computer-meaning I don't own anything Twilight related!**

The sun was peeking through the curtain ever so slightly but enough to make me squeeze my eyes tight. The darkness didn't offer much relief though the slight movement made me realize how much pain I was in. It felt like there was something inside my head just pounding to get loose.

My body ached as well. I felt like I had spent the night at the gym, not that I would really know. I racked my brain trying to figure out why the hell I was so sore. What happened last night?

I was hanging around the house with Trip, and then he and I and Luke went out. But then what? I pieced together all the bits I could remember. Beer pong, keg stands, dancing. Yeah that could all tire somewhat out I guess.

Dancing. It's not something I used to like to do, I was too clumsy. It's something I had actually come to enjoy in my quest for normalcy though. It was then that I saw his face. I hadn't been dancing alone.

I had danced with a guy, Chris I think, and he wanted something out of it, but I didn't. We had kissed a bit and then I was going to leave and then what? I strained my brain, trying to break through the fog. I saw him hovering over me and I automatically pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind.

I tensed with the image and immediately groaned at the pain my movement caused. My noise stirred someone next to me and I felt a pair of arms tighten around me.

They were warm arms. Well, they were a bit chilled, but still human warm. I had already started flailing my arms and kicking my legs wildly to break free before I even realized how scared I was. I still wasn't sure exactly what happened last night but I had a good enough idea that I knew I needed to get out of there.

I felt the arms clamp down on me, steadying me, as a sleepy voice replied, "Woah, Cookie!" Immediate relief washed over me as I recognized the voice and sunk into his hold.

I looked around the room and immediately recognized Trip's small bedroom. The walls were were mostly plain, with a few photos and a couple of posters.

It wasn't unusual to be here. I stayed here most of the time. The couch was pretty uncomfortable and I could feel every spring in my back. Trip and I had realized it was purely platonic and we found comfort in having the other around.

I rolled over in his arms, burying my face deep into his shirt. It smelled like him, a mixture of smoke and his normal scent, almost like the forest. It made me feel safe and I could physically feel my heart start to slow.

He looked a bit hesitant as he gave me a small smile. I returned it half-heartedly.

"How are you feeling this morning Cookie?"

I groaned my reply. He laughed quietly and I shoved him playfully as I rolled out of bed. But then his face turned serious and I didn't like it. He was meant to be happy and light, maybe broody, but not serious. I raised my eyebrows in question.

"Listen." His voice sounded as serious as his eyes looked. "You know if there's anything you need to talk about I'm here right?" Oh boy, I was definitely not up to this conversation.

I assumed this had to do with last night. "Trip, why does this feel like the beginning of a Dr. Phil episode or maybe Intervention? I know you're there okay, and I appreciate it. But can we cut the mushy sh-." I looked over at the clock in the middle of my sentence and noticed it was 10:15. "Is today Thursday?"

Trip nodded and I groaned. "Fuck! I have class, why didn't you wake me?" I cringed as I hastened my movements.

He laughed a little. "I'm sorry, I wasn't aware I was your alarm clock. And in case you didn't notice, I was soundly asleep too until _somebody _woke me up."

I crossed the living room to the bathroom, glad that it was unoccupied. I could just go to class, but I knew I looked like a mess. I was already slipping and I couldn't show up looking how I knew I did.

I pulled my shirt over my head, going slowly for my aching muscles. It was a t-shirt, not at the one I remembered wearing yesterday. I suddenly had a flash of myself wrapped in Trip's sweater and shook my head to get rid of the image.

I was hurting from my aches and stiffness as well as from the onslaught of memories that I didn't want that were trying to slip through. Between last night and the many other memories I had pushed deep down, I was just overwhelmed.

I opened the door peering around the corner. "Hey Trip? Maybe there is something I need from you."

He appeared in the living room. "Anything for you Cookie."

"What kind of painkillers do you have?"

Ten minutes and one Demerol later, I was standing under the scalding water. I was already starting to feel better. I had had Demerol before when I had my wisdom teeth out and I remembered being pretty loopy. I made sure to eat a really quick bagel before swallowing the pill, hoping that that would be enough to keep me coherent.

The water was about as hot as it could go. The heat was loosening my muscles and leaving them a bit tingly and I felt a big warm inside.

Whatever the fuck happened last night, and I had a pretty good idea what that was with the bits I was getting, needed to be forgotten. I blinked away the memory of his warm hands on me, roaming my body while I tried to move away.

My life was okay now, I was actually somewhat happy. I was living a normal life and I felt a connection to my own life for the first time in a long time. I felt like I was on the way to where I was supposed to be. I'm sure a lot of that had to do with Trip.

This reminded me of a memory from last night, feeling safe in Trip's arms, drifting to sleep as I saw..

Wait. Did I see what I think I did last night? Maybe I was just strung out, I'm sure that's what it was. But a nagging thought in the back of my mind told me that I didn't imagine it.

A vampire.

Here, in Rhode Island. My Rhode Island.

_Him._

What did he want? He had told me to move on, what right did he have to come back now?

Of course I had some residual feelings. I grieved for the loss, when I allowed my mind to think of it. More of what could have been, the life that almost was. Before I met Trip it was the only other place I had felt this connection before, like I was getting close to something important. Most of the time I didn't allow myself to think of it though.

I was tougher now, I didn't need him.

I shook my head to clear my mind and rinsed out the conditioner from my hair before jumping out.

I dressed hastily, pulling on a pair of jeans and my favourite sweater. It was a black hoody with a small chihuahua on it. He was barring his teeth and wearing a spiked collar. The text read 'One Tough Cookie'. One lazy Sunday at the mall, we saw it in a shop window and Trip would not leave until we bought it. I felt like I could use the reassurance today.

Trip chuckled as he took in my appearance. I stuck out my tough jokingly and willingly grabbed the coffee he handed me as I ran out the door.

I made it all of five steps when I was suddenly very aware of something. I felt the little hairs on my neck stand up and my instincts told me to go.

That could only mean one thing. Before I could really stop myself I mumbled to myself, knowing full well that his ears would hear me. "Fuck my life..."

I heard a low chuckle behind me. It was deeper than the melodic laugh I expected though. It wasn't any less appealing, just different. "Nice to see you too."

JPOV:

I had waited outside the house I had tracked them to hours before. I followed Bella's scent here and it took everything I had not to burst in the door. It wouldn't have been hard. I remembered Bella's feelings towards the guy who was taking care of it and I knew that I didn't want to do anything to hurt her.

I was further reassured when another guy a couple of years older, bulky like Emmett, approached the house. I heard him talk to the other guy.

"_How is she?"_

"_I don't know man. She's sleeping. She seems okay. I don't know what I should do? I should go back there and kill that guy."_

"_I know. But I took care of it. He won't be bothering anyone for a while. We can think about it when we're feeling more rational."_

"_Thanks Luke. I really appreciate what you did for her, and I know she would too."_

"_I get it. She's family, dude. She's like your little sister. She's lucky to have you." This guy sounded like Emmett too. I was comforted knowing Bella had family here. A bit of me was also happy with the fact they weren't romantic either but I didn't want to dwell on that now._

That was enough to reassure me she was safe there. I knew they weren't to blame for whatever happened and I didn't want to sweep in and mess up Bella's life. I decided to just go back to Peter and Char, but my feet wouldn't go. I just had to wait to make sure she was alright. If she told me to go, then I would.

Close to 11 I felt her heading towards the door, frustration rolling off of her. She was quicker than I expected though, coming out the door and heading it the opposite direction before stopping dead in her tracks.

I could feel her anger and nervousness. She was conflicted and I half expected her to keep walking. She surprised me though, and I heard her mumble so quietly I would have missed it if I had human ears.

I couldn't help but laugh. I had always known there was more to her beyond what she was with Edward. I couldn't help but imagine her using that language around Edward. "Nice to see you too" I replied.

She turned around slowly to face me and asked, "Jasper?"

I was confused as she was. She was looking right at me, who did she think I was. I suddenly understood when I felt the relief coming off of her.

"What are you doing here?" That was her immediate reaction and I could understand her hesitancy.

"Again, I repeat. Nice to see you too." I chuckled again.

I felt a small amount of guilt roll off her but she was still nervous. "I'm sorry Jasper. I'm just confused, I thought you were _him_." I could feel some of her nervousness fade away but she still had her guard up. "I was confused, and I thought I imagined one of you. I just assumed that's who it would have been. But I thought it was all in my head."

I joked with her, trying to lighten the mood. "Nope, here I am in the flesh, so to speak."

She gave me a small smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Who are you here with?" She didn't even try to skirt around it.

"Nobody, Bella."

She sighed. "I don't really have time for this, Jasper. So whoever sent you, tell them everything is fine."

"Bella, I'm not here with or for anybody. Well, I am staying with some friends, but no one you know. I promise."

She was feeling more relived, but still conflicted. I was going to leave when she surprised me again. "Well, I am in a hurry, but you could walk me I guess. For a price."

I nodded urging her to continue, curious at what she wanted from me.

She didn't feel nervous, only confident and I found I kind of liked that. "A smoke on the way."

I raised my eyebrow at her but she continued. "Oh come on now, you don't think you vamps are the only ones that have a sense of smell do you? I may not have super-human senses, but it's all over you." I guess my clothes did smell of smoke. I reached into my pocket and pulled out what was left of the pack from earlier. I wondered why Peter and Char had given them to me to take.

I chuckled again. This is the most I had laughed in a long time.

"And don't you dare think about lecturing me."

"Wouldn't dream of it. You just took me off guard. Here you go darlin'." I handed her a cigarette that I had reached out of the pack.

I felt her shock at my statement followed by contentment.

I was worried she was going to tell me to leave, but instead she continued. "I didn't know you smoked Jasper."

"Yeah, I did in my human life and in my years before the Cullens." I was surprised at how easy it was to talk to her about it but noticed her flinch at the mention of their name. "You can imagine how, _certain people_, didn't look too fondly on it." She nodded with a small laugh. I wondered if she was trying to picture Edward kicking back smoking. "I didn't know you did either Bella."

"Well, not that often. My friend Trip does when he's drinking or sometimes when we're around some of the guys. Or if I'm stressed. This seems like it might be a conversation that will cause me some stress, you know?" She was light about it but I knew she meant it.

I just chuckled a bit and nodded. "I can assure you that's not my intention."

"And what exactly _are_ your intentions Jasper?"

I took a drag from my smoke before I answered. Bella did the same and she looked pretty good doing it. I liked this Bella, not that I hadn't like the old one too.

"Purely curiosity. I smelled something similar to something I remembered and I followed it, leading me to you."

"You know, curiosity killed the cat Jasper, you should really be more careful. And what did you smell that was similar, I don't get it."

"Too bad someone beat curiosity to the punch." I joked with her. "You're asking a lot of questions too you know. Well as you mentioned, we have a good sense of smell and I was out for a stroll when I caught a whiff of something I that reminded me of something I had smelled before. It smelled like you, but different. It's a very distinct smell. I've only ever smelled one other who smelled as strongly as you."

"What do you mean I smell different?" She was genuinely curious.

"Well, I'm guessing it's whatever you have been putting into your system that is changing your blood's scent. You smell more like I remember today though, but still a bit off."

She sighed and I felt her frustration again. "Look Jasper, I've had enough intervention for one day."

"I wasn't judging, only answering your questions." I wasn't in any position to judge her or her decisions. She was a big girl anyway.

As if she read my thoughts she gave me a smile. "Well thanks, it's nice to be treated like an adult sometimes."

"So now will you answer one of mine." I had something I needed to know.

"Shoot."

"This guy, _Trip_, you said. How much do you know about him exactly?"

Bella was confused and nervous again. I wondered if she thought I was spying again. If she did, she answered anyway. "Well he's from Florida, that's where I met him. He was back for the summer and we became friends. He just gets me and I feel we're meant to be in each others' lives." I felt her platonic love for him again. "Now why do you want to know?"

"Well there was just something about him. I couldn't smell him, or sense his emotions. And then when I tried to approach him last night he was able to get away before I could reach him. It was all very strange."

I really didn't mean to bring up last night. I knew she would bring it up if she wanted to talk.

As I expected she pulled away. She tossed her smoke to the ground before stepping on it with her black Chuck Taylors. "Look, as much as I'd love to keep up this reunion, I have to get to class. It's been a slice."

I nodded as she turned and started towards her class. I could feel her inner-struggle.

She turned around again. "Well, if you wanted I could meet you afterwards for a bit. The pub on campus at 2:30? And you're coming alone right?" I felt her nerves again.

I was just happy she wasn't shutting me out. "Sure, see you then Bella."

A few hours later I was sitting at a booth near the back of the restaurant. I had arrived a bit early. I went to hunt again, just to be sure. After that I didn't have much else to do. I declined ordering from the waitress and waited until I saw Bella approaching.

She sat down across from me, tossing her bad in next to her. She looked worn out. I could see the dark circles under her eyes and she looked still looked a bit pale.

I asked her how her class was and she began to tell me about her English literature course when the waitress approached again. She ordered two beers and I looked at her quizzically."

"Hair of the dog, right?" I shook my head with a chuckle. Her eyes lit up with wonder. "Can you drink that Jasper? I just ordered two because I was used to doing that with _him _to make it seem less obvious and then I would just drink both sodas."

The waitress came back and I urged Bella to get some food as well which she did. I took the bottle in my hand. "Yeah, I can drink. It affects our venom like it does your blood. As long as I don't drink too much too quickly it will just be absorbed. Otherwise, it has to come out some way. It doesn't taste quite as good as it does to a human though."

She nodded sipping on her own bottle. We talked about her courses and about Rhode Island in general.

After a couple of hours Bella sighed. "Jasper, as much as I'd like to avoid them, are we ever going to talk about any of the many elephants in the room?"

I laughed a little, but more at her phrase than the situation. "And what would those be?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, you know, why you're here alone. _Him, them_. What my life has become. What you saw last night. Take your pick, there's a whole family of them."

I could tell without feeling her emotions she didn't want to talk about any of it right now, just as I didn't. But all the small talk out of the way, the issues were looming.

I shook it off. "Let's just get them some peanuts from the bar and let them be."

She smiled and I could feel how at ease she was, as was I. At the same time I could feel her apprehension.

And as quickly as it all happened, she was gone again and pulled away. "Well, this has been a fun stroll down memory lane and all, but I should be going."

I nodded. "It was nice to see you Bella."

"Look." She was conflicted again between her contentment and her determination. "I have a normal life here, or at least as close as it's going to get. It's just like _he_ wanted. I don't need vampires in shining armour to sweep back in and think they can fix me. I'm sure you should be getting back anyway."

I wasn't sure if she meant me or Edward, or if she was lumping us all in together. I could feel her pride in her actions. She was trying to keep herself from being hurt again.

"Bella, wait." I reached into my pocked and pulled out a piece of paper. "This is my number. If you ever need anything at all, you can call me. I will be around for a while." She took it and put it into her pocket with a nod. I wondered if she'd ever call, but I figured she wouldn't.

It was too bad though, I could really use a friend and I really enjoyed talking to her. Maybe I could use a _human_ in shining armour.

**A/N: There it was. Not what you were expecting? If so I'm sorry, but I found it unrealistic to just have Bella jump into his arms and that be that. I won't keep you waiting too long though, I promise.**

**Please review! I do listen. I was asked for longer chapters. I tried with this one but with my computer problems I just wanted to get this out. I was thinking I will respond to reviews with the theme song for the next chapter in my responses. So please tell me what you think :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hi everyone. Here's the next chapter. Quicker than I expected. I know some of you are wondering what the deal with Trip is. We're in the part of the story where Jasper/Bella storyline is developing, but I wanted to start giving you some hints at the larger plot so there's a bit of Charlotte in here. **

**Theme song for this chapter is Need you Now, by Lady Antebellum. Link's in my profile. **

**Please review. I'd love to hear what you think.**

**I own nothing.  
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Charlotte POV

Jasper, Peter, and I were sitting out back in a tree, something we did often since Jasper got here. It's something we used to do a lot before he had found Alice.

Peter had just told Jasper that we were going out of town for an impromptu hunting trip. Of course Jasper had told us that if we wanted to be alone that he would be the one to leave. He knew very well we didn't care about that.

The truth was that I got one of the feelings that I got sometimes. I was sure Jasper could use some privacy tonight. I wasn't sure exactly why, but I felt it was important.

Of course Jasper listened. He always did to Peter. I was used to it, it had always been that way. Heck, everyone always thought it was Peter who got these feelings.

Peter was smart and a good right-hand man. He was able to get on Jasper's good side that way, but once I started tellin' him about some of the feelings I had he became especially useful.

I couldn't always pinpoint these feelings. I would just have a vague idea about things. I don't know if I had them forever, I couldn't remember any of my human life. I had always shared them with Peter though. It seemed to me that he chalked it up to female intuition, but he always listened to me.

I had a feeling many, many years ago that when others started to think it was Peter who just knew things, that it was in my best interest not to correct them.

We were going to go hunting tonight, but it was definitely more. I just knew tonight was the start of something, not just for Jasper, but for all of us. I didn't know what it was, but I had been waiting a long time for something and it was starting to come together.

BPOV

It had been a week since I had encountered Jasper that day on the street. The week had passed much like the many weeks before them, but I found myself thinking more about things than I had before.

It suddenly became very real again and though I was good at shielding my mind I found myself thinking more about what had happened in Forks, with him.

Trip left last night, for an art show. His final projects for the year were to be displayed in New York. The class was spending a week there to showcase their work. He had asked me to go with him, even though he wouldn't have much time. I decided to stay though, especially since I had my exam this morning and one more to go in a couple of days.

I walked out of my morning exam and I wasn't sure what to do now. I had spent most of last night studying so the time passed quickly enough. Now I had the whole afternoon, and then all night, with nothing to do.

I decided to go pick up a few Christmas presents, not that I was really in the holiday mood. Half of me had wanted to just blow it off all together, but I knew that I would get something from Charlie and Renee and Phil and that I would feel guilty afterwards, despite myself.

Trip and I had went to see a concert earlier in the month after I got him tickets early. That didn't leave many people. I walked around the mall, not too enthusiastically, it never was my thing to begin with.

Eventually I gave up and I picked up a gift card for Charlie that could be used to buy fishing equipment. For Renee and Phil I chose some chain store card since they weren't in one place for long.

This actually worked better. In case I didn't want to go back for Christmas I could easily maid them. I hadn't made any decisions yet, but Renee and Phil were actually out of town. Charlie had become close with a woman on the reservation and I hadn't been back there since I lost Jake, so that would be awkward. A part of me was still a bit bitter about being continually shipped off too.

After that excursion, I considered returning to my dorm room. I could study, but I didn't feel much like it. My last exam was still a couple of days away and it was my English literature course. I had read all the books so there wasn't much I needed to do.

I decided to head over to Trip's instead of being alone. He wasn't there, but someone probably was. Sure enough Luke was sitting in the living room as I walked in. It was only about four in the afternoon but he was cracking open a beer as I came in. He nodded at me and I just smiled. Sometimes I appreciated his quiet, laid back nature.

As I walked in and removed my coat and boots I greeted him. "Hey Luke. Do you mind if I hang around? If you have to work or something though I can take off." Luke was just finishing up his degree. He was a few years older than Trip and I. Trip and I were the same age but he had skipped the fourth grade, which is why he was a year ahead of me.

Luke was in his last year at the local college, studying to become an electrician. He should have graduated last spring but he was a semester late, as his laid back attitude had allowed him to fall slightly behind schedule. I didn't want to disturb his final progress, but seeing as he was cracking a beer I figured it was okay.

"Nope, as of today I'm all certified and junk." He grinned slightly. "Go grab a beer and help me celebrate."

I laughed and did as I was told. We spent most of the afternoon sitting and enjoying the quiet. About three hours, a few beers, and a couple of joints later we had decided to order a pizza. I was already pretty hungry and now was getting the munchies.

We heard footsteps approaching and I thought it was a little soon for the pizza. The door opened and John and Ryan entered. They lived in the two rooms upstairs. They were both laid back- but more outgoing than Luke and Trip but pretty big stoners. They were not in school, they worked at their mother's art store, which is how Trip met them.

They walked in as one of them carried a case of beer on his shoulder. "Hey little Bella, didn't know you were here. Are you here to celebrate Mr. big college graduate here?" Ryan asked with a grin.

I chuckled a bit. "Sure, what did you guys have in mind?"

I could see Luke roll his eyes. He was much like Trip, and would rather sit on the outside of a party and watch. I could tell he was not interested in a big party. Personally, I was happy for the distraction though.

I could see that Luke was relieved as they related their plan that mostly included beer and pot, a few cigars, and calling a couple of girls from next door.

As the night went on, I was feeling pretty good. I liked being with the guys, I had always found it easier to be around guys. This group especially made me feel at ease, which was hard to do anymore.

It still felt weird when I didn't have Trip to hang around with but I was enjoying the distraction. I ate one of the cold pizza slices that was on the coffee table as the movie played in the background. "That's what I love about these High School girls man. I get older, they stay the same age."

I laughed to myself at the ridiculousness of the movie, but I could see why the guys related to Dazed and Confused. I looked around and by now John and Ryan had moved upstairs with two of the girls from next door. Luke was passed out sitting up in the chair, and I suddenly realized how alone I was again.

I didn't want to go there again, but it came too easy. I started to feel the ache in my chest and I decided to get up and go into Trip's room and try to get some sleep. I turned on the light and rifled through one of his drawers as I pulled out an old Lynyrd Skynyrd t-shirt and threw it on. I noticed a note sitting on the bed and I sat down as I started reading it.

Cookie,

In case you need some help sleeping or with the pain. Don't let the guys get too crazy. Call if you need anything.

Trip.

Trip knew me too well. I looked at the bag of demerol Trip left under the note and smiled to myself. He knew I still had nightmares and they only eased slightly when he was around.

I took one with the bottle of water I had brought in before climbing into the bed. My mind started to wander as I thought about all the things I had been pushing away all week. I closed my eyes and thought about running into Jasper and how easy it felt that day with him. I also started to think about how he was alone, and wondered where the rest of his family was.

Before too long though I started to feel tingly and closed my eyes, drifting to sleep.

I was in a house dancing with Chris. After he got too touchy-feely I decided to head out but he convinced me to have one more drink.

I was sipping on it and before I knew it I was following him without my consent upstairs. Then I was lying on a bed. I looked up at the ceiling, noticing the stucco. It was all happening in slow motion, yet still to fast for me.

I felt his lips press hard against mine as I tried to yell but all that came out was a small moan. It continued in this fashion until he had his hands all over my body.

I tried to squirm but by now my muscles weren't responding. My brain wanted to fall asleep as I fought to keep my eyes open. As he unzipped his pants I couldn't fight it anymore and I fell into the darkness.

My eyes opened again and I wasn't sure how long I had been out. I felt his body pressed into mine as I still struggled with consciousness. In that instant I found myself thinking back to him and how something like used to bring his face to me. It didn't anymore. And in that moment I was so angry. I was angry that he had left me, then and now again. I was angry that I was in this situation. I was all around angry.

I mustered up the strength, somehow, to put my hands up to his bare chest. As I concentrated, I felt all the anger in me pour out and suddenly I felt the heat radiating between us. It was enough to made him jump back.

"What the fuck?" I heard him mumble. Before anything else could happen, I heard Trip outside the door and saw him racing to put on his pants.

I woke with a start, rolling around in the blankets in a cold sweat, realizing tears were streaming down my face. From the anger or the memory, I couldn't be sure.

"What the fuck?" I echoed the question from my dream. I must be really out of it, I thought to myself. I shook my head as I closed my eyes, still feeling drowsy from the pill I took mixed with the alcohol I had consumed.

The second I closed my eyes I immediately saw his face again looming over top of mine and I flung open my eyes reaching for the light.

I sat up on the bed, curling my knees to my chest. I pushed the thought right out of my head and tried to think of other things.

I soon found it impossible and decided to go out and see if Luke was awake. Sure enough he laid where I left him. Shit, he slept dead as a rock when he'd been drinking. I tried and tried to shake him, to no avail.

I started to panic a little, not wanting to be alone. I decided to pull out my phone and hit Trip's contact. I knew it was late but maybe we could just talk. That could probably calm me down.

Soon enough I heard Trip's lazy greeting. "You know what to do."

I hung up, not wanting to alarm him when he listened in the morning.

I started to pace a little before I finally reached down in my purse and found the crinkled paper I had thrown there. I was surprised to find it still there and started dialing the numbers before I could think more about it.

The phone rang once, twice, and I considered hanging up. What was I doing? Before I could, I heard his deep voice. "Hello?"

I paused, considering hanging up. I had to say something, "Jasper?"

JPOV:

Peter and Charlotte had left a few hours ago and I had decided to go for a hunt, Peter and Charlotte had suggested I should. I was so used to listening so I just did without asking.

I was back now and just about to grab a book, when I heard the buzzing of my phone from my pants pocket. I hesitated briefly, wondering who would be calling at this time of night. Not that that made a difference for a vampire. I wondered if it was Alice saying that she had some vision I didn't want to hear about or Esme trying to coax me into coming home.

I decided it could be Peter and Charlotte too, so I better answer it. "Hello?"

There was a pause on the other side but I could hear breathing. "Jasper?"

"Bella?" I was worried at the time of night and the panic in her voice. I hadn't heard a peep from her since our last encounter and wondered what could be causing her to call now. "What is it, are you okay?"

There was another pause on the other end before she replied. "I'm sorry Jasper, this was a mistake."

She was about to hang up when I stopped her. "Bella, wait! What's the matter? Talk to me."

She sighed. "I just.. I just. I don't know what I was thinking. I was just upset and lonely and.." I couldn't feel her emotions over the phone but I could tell by her voice that she was hurting and I wanted to help her.

"Where are you?" I asked, hoping that she would answer me.

"Forget it Jasper. I'm sorry I bugged you." I could hear the defeat in her voice, but I wasn't going to let it go.

"Please Bella, tell me where you are. Let me come to you and then if you want me to leave then I will."

She took a few minutes, struggling with herself. "Okay. I'm where you ran into me the other day."

"I'll be right there." I shut the phone.

I set off to the car, I figured she might not be up for running. I drove quickly, hoping not to encounter any cops. In general there weren't many cars on the road at this time of night, especially since a light snow had started to fall.

I racked my mind with what could of happened to have Bella so upset. I wasn't happy that she was upset, but I was happy at the possibility of her letting me in.

I made it there in just under ten minutes though it felt like longer. I stopped on the road in front of the house, before quickly getting out and pausing at the door for a minute, wondering if I should knock. I listened in and it sounded like everyone was asleep except for one racing heartbeat so I decided to let myself in.

It was dark in the entry way but I could see a guy sleeping in the chair in the living room. I recognized him as the bulky one from the other night. He was sleeping very heavily and I easily walked past him, noting that there were four people asleep upstairs as well.

I listened to the heartbeat coming from the back of the house on this floor and followed it. I could smell her scent and feel her emotions all over the place. She was scared, confused, sad, and nervous. I knocked lightly on the door, "Bella?"

I heard a quick sniffle and whisper, "come in."

I opened the door and she was sitting in the lit room, knees up to her chest. Her eyes were puffy and red and she was still feeling the same things, but with a hint of relief.

"Bella?" I asked as I shut the door and approached her slowly with my hand out. I didn't know what was going on and she was clearly upset and nervous so I didn't want to scare her.

She didn't answer so I continued. "Bella, what's wrong, what happened?"

She wiped her eyes on the sleeve of the t-shirt. "I'm sorry Jasper. I was just so alone, and I had a bad dream about something that happened and I didn't know who else to call and I just..."

I cut her off. "Shh. It's okay. I told you to call me anytime and I meant it." I sat on the edge of the bed as she nodded. She didn't say anything so I continued. "What happened? Did somebody hurt you?"

She shook her head.

I noticed a determination in her emotions as she sat up, tightening her face. She smelled off again and I could tell that her red eyes were slightly dilated, but she was still in control of her actions.

She continued to hold her serious face. "I shouldn't have called you, I'm sorry."

I tried to read into her emotions, finding she was still feeling the determination. She was already acting like the last time I saw her. She was trying to protect herself and not let herself get too attached. I wondered briefly how Trip was ever able to break through this.

"Do you want me to go Bella? If that's what you want I'll go?" I would probably wait outside to make sure she was okay, but I didn't mention that.

Immediately I felt regret enter her emotions. She choked back a sob, not letting it slip out.

"No, I don't want you to go. I'm sorry." She felt vulnerable as she said it, but I was happy she wasn't completely pushing me away.

"Do you want to get out of here Bella?"

She just nodded as she reached for her purse and a bag that was next to it, before shutting off the light.

The car ride back to Peter and Charlotte's was quiet. I was happy now that I decided to take the car. I took the drive back slower, not sure how her stomach was feeling. I sent her some calming waves and she smiled slightly at me.

We didn't talk. I didn't want to push her and she didn't want to talk. She didn't ask where we were going, only stared out the window. I could still feel remnants of sadness but she was much calmer. Her determination to pretend to be okay was helping calm her down. I couldn't imagine it could last forever though.

As we got to Peter and Charlotte's I got out and opened her door, but she was feeling a bit anxious.

I tried to calm her. "This is my friends' house Bella, but they are out of town tonight. No need to worry. Why don't you come with me, there's something I want to show you."

I decided to try something to put her at ease. I thought back to what always helped me get some clarity. She got out and followed me to the property in the back yard.

She spoke for the first time in awhile. "What are we doing, Jasper?"

I stopped looking up at the tree. I bent down a bit and when she looked at me I replied. "Get on," I explained as I pointed to my back with my thumb.

She just stared back at my for a minute, but I could feel the curiosity rolling off of her. She did as I asked, seemingly happy for the distraction.

I grabbed her legs and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I held tight and moved slowly up the tree. I was worried she might be sick if I went too fast. I took her up to the second branch, not wanting to take her too high.

It was a thick branch and I sat down, letting her climb off and sit against the trunk of the tree. She looked down slowly and sat back up quickly.

"I've always liked to sit up in trees when I needed to think." I explained. "Peter and Charlotte, my friends used to always find me up there and since I've been here we've spent a lot of time up here."

Bella nodded. "It's nice up here. I can see why you like it."

I laughed slightly and she looked at me. "Mind you, we usually sit much higher up than this."

"I can take it." She replied. Her response made me happy as I saw a flicker of the girl she was before she got all defensive on me last week. It was a mixture of the girl that I saw with Edward and the self-sufficient girl when she wouldn't let people in. She was the girl I found it so easy to talk to last week.

I chuckled. "I'm sure you can darlin', but maybe we should wait until I'm sure you won't throw up on me."

She nodded in agreement. "I guess you got me there."

We sat there for a few minutes in silence before I smiled at her, remembering something from last week that might help cheer her up. "You know what else we do up here while we think?"

Bella shook her head no so I pulled out the pack of smokes that I had put in my pocket before I went to see her.

"I thought you might need some stress relief." She smiled a half-smile at me and nodded.

"So you really weren't judging me I guess."

"Who am I to judge?" I asked rhetorically as I handed her a cigarette and she held it to her mouth. I leaned forward and lit it for her and repeated the action for myself.

We sat there for awhile in silence before she spoke. "Thank you, Jasper." She whispered.

"For what?"

"For being a friend to me when I didn't deserve one. I blew you off and you still came when I needed someone. And you didn't push me. You just sat with me, brought me here."

I nodded. "I'm glad I could help. I am here if you want to talk, but I won't pressure you."

Bella nodded. "Thanks Jasper." She mumbled with a yawn. I could see her blinking trying to stay awake.

She must have been exhausted. From what I could tell she hadn't been sleeping well. Last time I saw her, and tonight she had dark circles under her eyes. I didn't know what she had taken either.

I looked over and she already starting to drift off. I didn't have the heart to wake her so I decided to wait until she was in a good sleep before moving her. It's not like I had to worry about her falling with me there.

It didn't take long anyway. I took her gently into my arms and held on tightly as I jumped down, landing softly on my feet, not even stirring her.

We moved towards the house and we were almost at the door when she let out a scream. She then started flailing around in my arms, though it didn't hurt me any.

I dropped down to my knees, bringing her into my lap. I gently shook her. "Bella? Bella darlin'? You're just dreaming, wake up.

She opened her eyes, searching around her, still flailing. I could feel the fear, anger, and sadness radiating off of her.

I tightened my hold on her a little. "It's okay. I got you, you're fine."

"Jasper?" She whispered as her body settled.

"Yeah, Bella, it's me. You're okay." I felt a bit of relief in her emotions.

She looked at me for about five seconds, not saying anything. Then so quickly that it surprised even me, she threw her arms around me as the violent sobs wracked her body.

I didn't feel any discomfort with her proximity. I'm not sure whether it was because her blood was muffled with substance or because I was too caught up in the moment, but either way I was happy not to have that distraction at the moment.

I instinctively reached back around her, careful to keep her on my lap and off the cold ground. I whispered in her ear as the emotions that had been building up in her all night, and probably a lot longer than that, finally took over. "Shhhhh. You're okay Bella. I got you darlin'.

She gripped the back of my shirt as I sent her a small wave of calm. As much as I wanted to make it all go away I knew she needed to finally feel this. "Don't leave, Jasper. Please, don't leave." Her voice begged me.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." And I knew I wasn't. I could see Bella needed me, and hell, I think I needed her too.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey. Almost 1700 hits! That's right, I see you readers. Thanks for reading but please review. I want to know if you liked it or you hated it, what you think is going to happen or what you want to happen. The reviews I do get make me want to write faster. Thanks for all the reviews, alerts, and reads. :)**

**I know I replied in my reviews saying there would be no theme this chapter, but I changed my mind. It's Sometimes When we Touch by Dan Hill.**

**The lyrics included in this chapter, in order are from: The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars, She Left Me by McFly, My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne, Hidden Away by Josh Groban, Torn by Natalie Imbruglia, The Impossible Dream by Andy Williams, Damaged by Plumb, and Lullaby (Goodnight My Angel) by Billy Joel. I own none of them or Twilight.**

TPOV:

I opened my eyes, shaking my head to clear my dream. I had been having a similar dream on and off for months now. I kept seeing her. I had no idea who she was, but I couldn't get her off my mind.

I was telling her that I had to go but that I would be back for her, one day. There was so much pain in my eyes, my voice, my heart. I didn't know her, but I knew I couldn't leave her. I wanted to glance a look back, try to see her face, but I always woke up.

Standing up I noticed that my phone was flashing to grab my attention. Crap, I had missed a call from Bella.

JPOV:

Bella had woken up the next day, late in the afternoon, after a somewhat good sleep. It had been after 6 am before she had even got to sleep. She was restless most of the night but I was able to calm her down most of the time.

She thanked me but I could already feel her withdrawal. All the progress we had made was slipping again. She spent the next couple of hours trying to find reasons to leave.

I don't know why I should have cared. I should have just let her go, but it's like I was drawn to her. It had been that way when she was with Edward, but I had assumed it was her blood calling to me. Now I knew it wasn't her blood (not that it didn't smell amazingly good). I wasn't going to drink her, I knew it. Rather, I needed to know her, to help her.

She had taken a call from her friend Trip that afternoon. I tried not to eavesdrop, but it was difficult with my sensitive hearing. Who was I kidding, I wanted to hear everything they were saying.

"Cookie. What's shakin'?"

"Hi, Trip. Sorry I bothered you last night, I was feeling kinda down. But I'm fine."

"Don't lie to me Cookie, you know I can tell when you are."

She laughed a little. "I know Trip. I'll be okay though. The boys kept me plenty busy."

"I bet they did. Did you find my gift."

"I did thanks. Okay, you should go, I don't want to keep you."

After that I decided I would at least try to talk to her about it as she grabbed some cereal that had been in the pantry. I wondered if Peter and Charlotte kept it stocked or if they had an idea that she might need it.

I sat down, and decided to just be straightforward. "Bella, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." She replied with a mouth full of cereal.

"I know it's going to take time to earn your trust again. But I can see you trust your friend Trip. And I just want you to know I'm not _him_." I wondered if that was why she couldn't seem to trust me.

I felt the guilt pouring off of her immediately. "I know, Jasper. I'm sorry. You have been a really good friend to me already, and I know I can trust you. But it's more complicated than that. It came easy with Trip, but it took time there too. I'm not the same girl I was in Forks."

I just nodded. She sure wasn't the same girl. I didn't want to push her away again so I decided to slightly change the subject.

"Is that your friend's shirt?" I pointed to the one that she was still wearing.

She nodded, her mouth busying chewing.

"Hmm."

She misread my confusion. "Jasper, I told you it's not like _that_. But even if it was _he's_ gone." I wondered if she still thought I was spying for Edward.

I shook my head. "No, no. That's not what I meant. I was thinking that it had a scent to it, distinct from yours of course."

She gave me a half-smile. "Kinda like the forest in the rain?"

I chuckled. But this just confused me more. The first part I didn't understand was why she was able to smell a human so strongly. I doubted he spent much time in the forest in the rain, it was all from him. I could tell it was strong and it was just a piece of clothing. I decided to focus on the more pressing concern though. "Yeah, that's it. I was just wondering why I was able to smell him now but not before."

She nodded, confusion and curiosity overcoming her too. "What do you think that means?"

"Hmm, I don't know. Maybe it was from whatever he was taking that night."

She nodded getting up to wash her bowl. I didn't think that was it, but it's all I could think of at the moment. And I didn't want to worry her.

"Well, I'll let you be Jasper. I'm sure you have things to do. And I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

I shook my head. "I won't lie and say you don't smell good. But Bella, I have spent a while on my own, and to be truthful I don't feel the temptation anymore. It's more important for me to be there for you."

I saw her fighting with herself. I'm sure she didn't want to be by herself, but at the same time she was afraid.

"Why don't you just stay Bella, please. I want you here."

She nodded. "At least for a little while."

I showed her around the property a bit and we watched some television. She had to leave eventually though because she had an exam the next morning. I had managed to convince her to let me pick her up the next day afterwards though. I think she didn't want to be alone because it didn't take as much convincing as I thought it would.

BPOV:

I don't know why I agreed to come back. Well, that was a lie. I wanted to see Jasper. I found my resolve wavering more and more. Half of me told me to be cautious because he would be leaving soon, but that didn't seem to stop my other half

I had always felt that Jasper and I were alike. We both sat back and let Alice and Edward play the leads. It was similar to Trip and I, how we enjoyed to be a part while watching from the outside. That's how I had felt about Jasper and I, as much as we were there, we weren't at the same time.

We were never close though. Edward would never allow it. In Phoenix, when he wasn't around though I could tell we had some sort of connection.

Now he was back, and in the short time he had been, I could feel something pulling me towards him. I had fought it, but it was becoming more difficult. Like Trip, he was meant to be in my life. There was some connection there I couldn't fight, like we were all part of something.

I guess that's how I found myself back in his car. He said his friends were still gone and he would like the company. Truth be told, I missed his calming effect last night, sleeping alone in my dorm room.

He had stopped to pick me up a chicken caesar wrap and now we were heading back to the house. I sat down at the table and he sat with me. As I started eating I noticed an old guitar sitting in the corner.

Jasper caught me looking at it. I wondered if it was his. "Will you play something while I eat?"

He nodded and grabbed it, sitting back down on the dining room chair.

"What do you want to hear?" I just shrugged and I could tell by his grin he decided to just go with something fun. His voice came out easy and smooth. There was a smile in it.

_Today I don't feel like doing anything_

_I just wanna lay in my bed_

_Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone_

_'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything_

_Nothing at all, nothing at all_

_Tomorrow I'll wake up, do some P90X_

_Find a really nice girl, have some really nice sex_

_And she's gonna scream out_

_This is great_

_(Oh my god, this is great)_

_Yeah, I might mess around_

_And get my college degree_

_I bet my old man will be so proud of me_

_But sorry pops, you'll just have to wait_

_Oh yes, I said it, I said it_

_I said it 'cause I can_

_Today I don't feel like doing anything_

_I just wanna lay in my bed_

_Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone_

_'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything_

I chuckled at the choice of his song. I appreciated the lightness of it and he looked so at ease doing it.

He just strummed lightly while I finished eating. We talked about when he learned, which he said was back when he was human.

After I was done eating I took my plate to the sink as Jasper put his guitar back against the wall. I washed it quickly and looked in the fridge wondering if there would be any drinks. I chucked as I saw a case of beer. I wondered why a house of vampires would have one when I saw a note stuck to the top. It read: drink me. I shrugged and grabbed two bottles, returning to table.

I sat down, placing one in front of Jasper, twisting off my lid with the bottom of my shirt.

He laughed. "Where on earth did you find those?"

I shrugged. "They were in the fridge with a note saying to drink them."

He laughed but I just stared back, obviously missing the joke.

He took a sip of his beer and addressed my questioning look. "Peter and Charlotte, my friends, sometimes they know things ahead of time."

I said it before I realized I did. "Like Alice you mean?" As soon as it was out my hand flew to my mouth. I regretted it immediately and I'm sure Jasper felt it. I didn't know what the situation was with her, but obviously something was going on and judging by his face I was right. I was also a bit curious though.

He sighed. "It's okay Bella. You can say her name. And no. Peter, he just has these feelings sometimes. He doesn't see things, just has vague feelings about things."

I nodded. I thought about dropping it. I knew I didn't want to talk about my issues, what made me think that he would. But then again, it was getting exhausting keeping everything in and trying to forget. I could talk to Trip, but not about a lot of things. Taking the vampires and wolves out of the story changed it. And what about the newest development of me burning that guy if that wasn't just a dream. No, I definitely had to keep it in.

Seeing my struggle mirrored in Jasper, I could tell he was deciding whether he wanted to talk about it. I thought he was going to drop it, but then he grabbed his guitar again and walked towards the living room. I got up and followed, grabbing my beer.

He sat down on the large sectional as I sat on the other end. He sighed. He didn't say anything else as he picked it up and started strumming gently and his smooth voice began again, with a little less playfulness than before.

_She walked in and said she didn't wanna know_

_Anymore_

_Before i could ask why she was gone out the door_

_I didn't know, what i did wrong_

_But now i just can't move on_

_Since she left me_

_She told me_

_Don't worry_

_You'll be OK you don't need me_

_Believe me you'll be fine_

_Then i knew what she meant_

_And it's not what she said_

_Now i can't believe that she's gone_

I was staring at him, taking in how nice the song sounded. Jasper was just looking down now though and it suddenly occurred to me that he telling me what happened in the only way he knew how.

I reached over, immediately placing my hand on his knee. It was an automatic reaction, but I was surprised with the comfort it brought me, when it was him I was trying to show support for. "Oh, Jasper! I'm so sorry!" I felt sadness rush through me at the loss. They were both so good and I was sad this had happened them. I couldn't imagine what could have happened, then it hit me. It was probably something to do with my birthday, the last time we had all been together. I immediately felt guilty.

He shook his head. I had to get remember to keep a better guard on my emotions when he was around. "Bella, I don't know why you're feeling that way, but this was a long time comin'."

He went on to tell me how he and Alice were always close but that it was never like what he felt from Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, and especially his friends Peter and Charlotte.

He continued, telling me how they did love each other and agreed it was better than being alone. But then Alice couldn't do it anymore. She said it was better for everyone if they just ended it.

He told me how they had moved from Forks and made it another eight months. I wondered what he had done the rest of the time and he told me how he spent six months on his own, trying not to make any decision to appear in her visions, just finding himself.

We just sat there in silence for a while after that. Jasper eventually looked at me expectantly. "Thanks for listenin'. If there's anything you want to talk about, I'd be happy to return the favour."

I sighed. He had shared so much with me. I could give him something. I didn't know what to say or where to start so I decided to follow his lead. I chugged down the rest of the beer I had been sipping and held out my hand. "Fine, but I'm going to need another one of these."

He looked at me questioningly. I smiled a little at him. "You didn't think you're the only one whose fingers work do you?"

He chuckled at me. "I just didn't know you played."

"Not much. I'm no rockstar like you or anything." I joked with him. It was easy to joke with him, and much easier than letting down my walls completely. All of the guys play at least a little guitar so I had been getting lessons from Trip since last spring and the others while we sat around getting high.

I started strumming. I didn't know many songs well, but I knew enough to get by. I knew the song that expressed the words over how I had felt when he left me. It was a song that I replayed in my head often. Though the words were there, I made sure not to let my emotions pour into it. I wasn't ready for that.

_Lets talk this over_

_It's not like we're dead_ (I gave him a wink and he chuckled)

_Was it something I did?_

_Was it something you said?_

_Don't leave me hanging_

_In a city so dead_

_Held up so high_

_On such a breakable thread_

_You were all the things I thought I knew_

_And I thought we could be_

_You were everything, everything_

_That I wanted_

_We were meant to be, supposed to be_

_But we lost it_

_All of our memories so close to me_

_Just fade away_

_All this time you were pretending_

_So much for my happy ending_

JPOV:

She put down the guitar, taking a drink of the beer I had brought her. I smiled at her. I didn't know that she knew how to play guitar at all, but then again why would I? I could tell she played for amusement, that she wasn't trained. But it still suited her.

Her song choice seemed to fit exactly how she was feeling. In the short time I had been back around her I could feeling her mourning over the life she thought she would have. But I felt very little of her emotions in the song. Of course I could feel them otherwise, but they were mostly guarded. The strongest was determination.

She was still trying to protect herself, but at least it was a start. I had hoped that my singing to her would provide a different way to express the things neither of us could.

"You're good Bella, I can see lots of potential."

She laughed. "Sure, thanks Jasper." She didn't think I was serious.

I risked getting too personal then. "Bella, I'm proud of you."

She blushed slightly but I felt the confusion rolling off of her. She just nodded though and I didn't push it. I was proud of her though. She was getting by how she could.

I was waiting for her to shut down again but she shocked me. "I'm proud of you too Jasper."

Now it was my turn to be confused. "Me? Why?"

"Breaking out on your own. Dealing with it all and finding yourself." I would have blushed now if I could have. I felt a bit of happiness knowing she was proud of me.

"Thank ya Darlin'."

She was a little nervous now. I wondered what brought about that emotion. "Can I ask you something Jasper?"

"Of course." I would answer it. I wanted her to open up to me, I would show her I could do the same.

"Where are you from, the South I guess."

I nodded. I decided that now was as good a time as any. So I told her about my change, my time with Maria, how I was "raised."

I could feel the pride she was sending off now. I gave her a crooked expression and she smiled lightly. "I'm even more proud of you now, Jasper."

I smiled back, I couldn't help it.

We sat for awhile as we just played around lightly with the guitar, talked about her exam and Rhode Island.

She looked out the window later in the night. "Can we go up to the tree, Jasper?"

"Of course." I replied, grabbing the guitar, the pack of smokes and the rest of the case of beer. I was able to balance it all, getting bella to hold onto the guitar as I climbed.

I had her sit against the truck of the tree again. I could catch her if she was going to fall, but I had been drinking a bit too, not enough to really affect me but maybe enough to slow me a tad, and she was a klutz. I straddled the branch a few feet away from her, facing her.

We sat there a few minutes when I decided to ask her about the nickname I didn't quite understand. "So cookie?" I asked with a smile.

She laughed and went into a story telling me how she first met Trip. I nodded. "So when do _I_ get to give you a nickname?"

I was worried she'd pull away but she was actually feeling rather content and at ease. "I don't know. Why don't we start with you playing something else for me."

I nodded, getting ready to oblige. I lit a cigarette first, inhaling a couple of times before handing it to her so that I could play and sing.

I decided that I would try again to get her to open up. This was as far as we'd got and she was feeling relatively happy so it was probably a good time. She responded to song better than me asking her straight out, so it was worth a shot.

_And all these words that you meant to say_

_Held in silence day after day_

_Words of kindness that our poor hearts crave_

_Please, don't keep them hidden away_

_Sing it out so I can finally breathe in_

_I can take in all the same_

_Holding out for something I believe in_

_All I really need today_

_I want to free your heart, I want to see your heart_

_Please, don't keep your heart hidden away_

_You're a wonder, how bright you shine_

_A flickered candle in a short lifetime_

_A secret dreamer that never shows_

_If no one sees you then nobody knows_

_And all these words you were meant to say_

_Held in silence day after day_

_Words of kindness that our poor hearts crave_

_Please, don't keep them hidden away_

She looked at me with big eyes and understanding. She heard my plea, but I didn't know if she would answer. I could feel a bit of fear in her, but also some acceptance.

She put the cigarette in her mouth before motioning for the guitar. I could feel her resolve wavering.

I gave her a minute as she continued to fight her fear. I knew she wanted to share with me, I could both feel and see it. She started strumming a bit aimlessly. I took the cigarette so that she could breathe and she sighed.

She didn't know the exact music, as she started to play and sing. She was not vocally trained either, but her voice was much more her now than it had been in her last attempt to placate me with a song. It was quiet with a slight edge to it, just like her. It was a messy rendition of the song, but it was also possibly the most beautiful thing I had heard in my long existence. I didn't even have to tap into her emotions because I heard the hurt, loneliness, pain, and abandonment in her voice.

_I thought, I saw a man brought to life_

_He was warm, he came around and he was dignified_

_He showed me what it was to cry_

_Well, you couldn't be that man I adored_

_You don't seem to know_

_Seem to care what your heart is for_

_But I don't know him anymore_

_There's nothing where he used to lie_

_The conversation has run dry_

_That's what's going on_

_Nothing's fine, I'm torn_

_I'm all out of faith_

_This is how I feel_

_I'm cold and I am shamed_

_Lying naked on the floor_

_Illusion never changed_

_Into something real_

_I'm wide awake and I can see_

_The perfect sky is torn_

_You're a little late, I'm already torn_

_So I guess the fortune teller's right_

_Should have seen just what was there_

_And not some holy light_

_It crawled beneath my veins_

_And now I don't care, I had no luck_

_I don't miss it all that much_

_There's just so many things_

_That I can touch, I'm torn_

_I'm all out of faith_

_This is how I feel_

_I'm cold and I am shamed_

_Lying naked on the floor_

_Illusion never changed_

_Into something real_

_I'm wide awake and I can see_

_The perfect sky is torn_

_You're a little late, I'm already torn, torn_

_There's nothing where he used to lie_

_My inspiration has run dry_

_That's what's going on_

_Nothing's right, I'm torn_

_I'm all out of faith_

_This is how I feel_

_I'm cold and I am shamed_

_Lying naked on this floor_

_Illusion never changed_

_Into something real_

_I'm wide awake and I can see_

_The perfect sky is torn_

_I'm all out of faith_

_This is how I feel_

_I'm cold and I'm ashamed_

_Bound and broken on the floor_

_You're a little late, I'm already torn, torn_

I could see she was a bit shaken so I took the guitar from her, lighting her a new smoke, and letting my hand drop to just above her knee sending her my gratitude, not wanting to break the moment by speaking. She looked up at me from under her hair and gave me a half smile as I saw her. Really saw her. She had let her walls down and let me in for the briefest of minutes and I was grateful.

She regained a bit of her composure, already starting to close off. But it wasn't like before. I could still feel her strength and pride, but there was no fear coming from her right now. I didn't know if it had to do with her drinking, the night sky, or that I had opened up for her first, but she started explaining without me even having to ask her.

She told me all about how she had shut down after Edward left, still careful not to say his name/ Then how she had become friends with that wolf, leaned on him before he shut her out. She wasn't bearing everything open to me anymore emotionally, but she was being honest. She was feeling calm, though I wasn't manipulating her. I wondered if she was feeling the comfort I felt when we made contact with each other.

She continued, telling me how her father had shipped her away from Forks and she went to live with her mother and stepfather who eventually took off. No wonder she had learned to put up walls and been scared to trust anyone.

I decided to speak. "Bella, I know you're still afraid, but I promised, I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded but I still felt a bit of disbelief from her.

"You know, I'm afraid too."

She looked at me bewildered. "What do you have to be afraid of Jasper?"

Before I could answer she shivered a little. It was getting late, and I assumed cold. I handed her the guitar and picked her up, jumping down from the tree. I brought us inside and turned on the fireplace in the living room and handed her a blanket to wrap up in.

She looked up at me as I sat down in front of her, running my fingers through my hair. She had bore everything to me. I could do this. But this isn't something I wanted to admit.

I continued to wage a war with myself and I didn't even notice Bella approaching me. She was still moving slowly but there was no fear coming from her. Before I knew it, she laid down next to me, just barely resting her head on my leg.

I felt the comfort washing over me again, the unexplainable connection that I realized we had. She was looking up at me with her big, unassuming eyes. I still hadn't said anything and she began to get afraid again. "Is this okay, am I too close?" I smiled a little at her. I wondered if she was afraid that I would hurt her or of rejection.

I nodded. "It's fine Bella. I won't hurt you." I meant more than physically when I said it. She seemed content with my answer so I began, looking right down into her eyes as I sang.

_To dream the impossible dream_

_To fight the unbeatable foe_

_To bear with unbearable sorrow_

_To run where the brave dare not go._

_To right the unrightable wrong_

_To be better far than you are_

_To try when your arms are too weary_

_To reach the unreachable star_

_This is my quest, to follow that star,_

_No matter how hopeless, no matter how far_

_To be willing to give when there's no more to give_

_To be willing to die so that honor and justice may live_

_And I know if I'll only be true to this glorious quest_

_That my heart will lie peaceful and calm when I'm laid to my rest_

_And the world will be better for this_

_That one man scorned and covered with scars_

_Still strove with his last ounce of courage_

_To reach the unreachable star._

She looked up at me for a few more moments, tears welling up in her eyes. Was she afraid now, realizing I was beyond help? She shocked me as she sat up and threw her arms around my neck. I stiffened, but then allowed myself to relax into her hold.

"Jasper. That was beautiful. I can understand why you're scared, but I know you can do it. I have faith in you."

I replied honestly, hoping it wouldn't scare her away. "I just don't know if I can do it alone."

She looked back at me, still holding on tightly. "But you have been Jasper. And you're strong, stronger than you think."

I gave her a half smile but I could tell she didn't quite believe it. "It's true that I have scars Bella, physical and emotional."

She smile a similar smile to me. "And they make you who you are now."

After that we sat there for awhile, mildly content.

I started to realize just how late it was and pulled away, breaking the comforting touch."You should go to bed. Do you want me to take you home or do you want to stay."

She stopped and I felt her extreme anxiety for the briefest of seconds, but it was soon replaced with resolve. "Jasper, wait. There's something.. I just." She was flustered, now running her fingers through her hair. "You've been completely honest with me. And there's something I need to share with you."

I had been completely overwhelmed by her trust in me earlier, but now she was sharing the last piece she was holding onto. My standing in front of her emotionally naked, had given her the courage to open up. I nodded encouragingly as she broke into the purest voice I'd ever heard.

_Dreaming comes so easily_

_'Cause it's all that I've ever know_

_True love is a fairy tale_

_I'm damaged, so how would I know_

_I'm scared and I'm alone_

_I'm ashamed_

_And I need for you to know_

_I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say_

_And you can't take back what you've_

_taken away_

_'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me_

_I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say_

_And you can't take back what you've_

_taken away_

_'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me_

_Healing comes so painfully_

_And it chills to the bone_

_Will anyone get close to me?_

_I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know_

_There's mending for my soul_

_An ending to this fear_

_Forgiveness for a man who was stronger_

She stumbled now as the tears flowed freely down her face. Her voice caught as she whispered out the next line.

_I was just a little girl, but I can't go back_

I was wrong earlier. This was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. And the most heartbreaking at the same time.

There was no keeping the emotions in for her now as they came barreling out, and fast. Her confusion, hurt, pain, and shame hit me like a wall as she stood up, getting ready to run.

She made it all of three steps before she collapsed. I was there before she could hit the ground, catching her and bringing her close to my chest as I cradled her. "Okay, shhh Bella. I'm here. It's not your fault." I had a feeling that song had more behind it than just Edward. She sobbed harder, her body shaking slightly from the force of it. I just continued to try to reassure her. "None of what you shared with me tonight was your fault. You deserve so much more. Shh, darlin', it's okay."

We sat there for about an hour before she settled down. Once she did we continued to sit there, not moving, not speaking.

I decided to break the silence. I wiped some damp hair from her face. "Thanks for sharing that with me Bella. Why don't we get you to bed, okay?" She nodded weakly as I stood to my feet, bringing her up into my arms.

I walked up the stairs to the bedroom she had stayed in last time, bending down to place her softly on the bed. Before I could let go she grabbed tightly at my shirt.

"Please, don't go." It was barely a whisper. I looked into her doe eyes. In them I saw she meant more than just tonight.

I nodded gently, seating myself against the headboard, keeping her cradled in my arms.

Charlotte was right. She told me something was going to change tonight. This was the beginning of something, of what I wasn't sure. All I knew was there was no going back now. With her in my arms now, instead of my guitar, I started a new song as she drifted to sleep.

_Goodnight, my angel_

_Time to close your eyes_

_And save these questions for another day_

_I think I know what you've been asking me_

_I think you know what I've been trying to say_

_I promised I would never leave you_

_And you should always know_

_Wherever you may go_

_No matter where you are_

_I never will be far away_

_Goodnight, my angel_

_Now it's time to sleep_

_And still so many things I want to say_

_Remember all the songs you sang for me_

_When we went sailing on an emerald bay_

_And like a boat out on the ocean_

_I'm rocking you to sleep_

_The water's dark and deep_

She was asleep now but I finished the next two lyrics anyway.

_Inside this ancient heart_

_You'll always be a part of me_


	7. Chapter 7

**This is just a short, fun chapter. I am going out of town and wanted to give you something first. Also fun chapter usually means heavy ahead as we get deeper into the plot.**

**Theme: Walk, by my all-time favourite band, the Foo Fighters. I don't own it, Twilight, or Twinkle Toes.**

**I updated because I am getting into the story. But I didn't feel the love last time, not one review :( Make it up to me now? But thanks for the alerts and favourites! **

BPOV

I woke up the next afternoon after the best sleep I had had in awhile. I wasn't sure if it was because I had finally let go of some of my pain and shared it with someone else, or due to Jasper's calming influence. Maybe it was both.

I stretched like a cat and when I heard a chuckle I looked over on the chair next to the bed to see a very amused Jasper.

"Morning." I said, my voice still sleepy.

"More like afternoon." He said with a small grin.

I looked at the clock on the nightstand, noticing it was after 1 pm. "Hey, I'm on school vacation, ease up."

He just nodded but his tone turned hesitant as I stood up. He was expecting me to bolt. I sighed. "Jasper.." I sat down on the arm of the chair he was sitting on, ghosting a hand and over his arm, remembering the calm it brought me last night. "I would be lying if I said there wasn't part of me that was telling me to run, protect myself."

He nodded, looking defeated but I continued. "But, we're past that. I'm sorry but I can't go back to that. You're stuck with me now I'm afraid.

After I had some breakfast/lunch Jasper went to go for a hunt. I decided to get in a shower. First I put my Ipod into the dock of the stereo in the bedroom and turned it up so that I could hear it in the on-suite.

I took a nice, long, warm shower, finding myself even singing along a few times. Not that much had changed since yesterday, and at the same time everything had changed. I was still the girl that had been abandoned by so many, with little to look forward to. But at the same time a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I wrapped a big fluffy white towel around me. It was like one you would get in a fancy hotel. I went back out into the bedroom to pick out some clothes. I didn't have anything. I had come right from school and had told myself I wouldn't spend the night.

I picked up my jeans from out of the bathroom giving them a little smell. They would do at least for today. I rifled though the room and found what I assumed was one of Jasper's t-shirts. It was black and had a cowboy and a horse on it. There was a saying across it: There's only one rule to being a cowboy: never squat with yer spurs on. I laughed to myself. I bet this was part of his rebellion against everything Alice. She never would have allowed that shirt.

I put it on as I continued to get ready. I was looking around for a blowdryer, a dance in my step despite myself. I listened to the latest Foo Fighters album as my feet did a little shuffle and my head a bob.

"_I'm learning to walk again. I believe I've waited long enough.._"

I dropped the brush in my hands as I heard a low chuckle from the doorway. Damn vampires and their sneakiness.

"How long have you been standing there?" I was in such a good mood I couldn't even convince myself to blush at Jasper's amused grin.

"Long enough to see that mighty fine performance of yours."

I laughed and took in his smile. It was one of pure happiness. "What's got you so chipper this afternoon?"

"Your emotions are just really good today." I returned his smile, both of us enjoying this moment. I didn't know when the darkness was going to consume me again so I decided to enjoy it. I knew it was going to be a good day.

"Well come on twinkle toes, I got someone for you to meet."

I looked up curious, wondering who he could be talking about. I followed him anyway as we headed out of the room. "Wait, twinkle toes?" I groaned to myself but Jasper was pleased at my new nickname. I could tell by his chuckle.

We walked down the stairs and I saw two vampires standing in the foyer. The woman was of small stature, about my height, thin, with blond curls. The man was almost as tall as Jasper with hair that shone like the sun. They looked over at Jasper and I with big grins plastered on their faces.

"Bella, this is Peter and his mate Charlotte. Guys, this is Bella." Of course, the two characters from Jasper's story from last night. They were just how I imagined, beautiful, statuesque, but warm like Jasper.

I looked into their crimson eyes, remembering Jasper saying they drank from humans. I didn't find myself scared though.

"Hi. Nice to meet you, thanks for letting me stay in your house." Their smiles stretched further, relieved to see I wasn't afraid. The tension was immediately broken and Peter came up to hug me.

"Thank _you_ darlin' for keepin' our little Jasper here busy while we were away." I smiled into our hug. I could already tell we would get along. That little part of me tried to break into my thoughts telling me not to get attached to more people, but I suppressed it for now.

Charlotte opened her arms in turn and as I hugged her, I noticed how amazing she smelled. Jasper had told me she was the only other human whose blood smelled as good as mine. I could imagine why. She smelt like everything summer and I immediately felt a connection to her.

I stepped back as I heard Jasper ask what they had brought with them. Peter spoke. "We thought we could all use a fun activity." I laughed as Peter held up a sled.

"Vampires can go tobogganing?" I asked, trying to imagine it.

"Of course." Peter replied as he held up a bottle. "But this just isn't tobogganing. It's toboozening."

I laughed. I knew we would get along just fine.

JPOV

Bella had spent most of the past week around the house with Peter, Charlotte, and I. I was pleased at how quick of friends they became.

I was also pleased at Bella's progress. She was still struggling with herself, but she was moving on. That first morning when I saw her smile, it meant everything to me. Her being in my shirt didn't hurt the situation either. I tried to stop my mind's wandering at that thought.

Her friend Trip was back in town and I was bringing her over so we could all hang out. He was important to her, and I knew that if I wanted to be friends with her we would all have to get along and play nice. I was also interested in what else I could find out about him.

We walked up to the doorstep and Bella let us in. Immediately the boy I remembered from a night a few weeks ago stood up and scooped her into his arms. "Cookie! Did you miss me?"

"Of course. I can't believe you're back here associating with us now that you're a famous artist and all." He put her down and shot her a smile.

He looked back at me with a slight glare. I decided to get a read on his emotions and noticed they were not present. I doubted now that it was a fluke the other night.

"Trip, this is my friend Jasper." I extended my hand to him as he shook it hesitantly. I then handed him the case of beer that Bella had suggested I bring.

A smile rose on his face with a chuckle. "I think we're going to get along just fine." And with that it all hit me like a waterfall. I could hear his heartbeat, smell his scent, the rain and the forest, as strong as Bella's. And then I felt his amusement, content, and a slight amount of protectiveness. What the fuck?

We sat as Bella and I were recounted with stories of his week in New York, mostly his observations of various people. I could see why he and Bella got along, they were both very observant people but preferred to be on the periphery.

After about an hour another young man came in, the bulky one that reminded me of Emmett. "Trip! Good to see you buddy. Glad you're here, I just got a new pipe, let's break it in."

He sat down getting everything ready and lit it as he passed it to Trip who proceeded to pass it on to Bella. She was nervous. She was still worried I'd judge her I guess. I had told her that I wasn't in any position to judge and I'd meant it.

After she passed it to Luke he held it in my direction. Bella looked at me incredulously as I inhaled deeply. "You can smoke pot?" I chuckled, and luckily the other two seemed to miss her comment.

BPOV:

I sat in the living room now, watching some movie that I wasn't really paying attention to. Luke and Jasper came in from playing X-BOX. I laughed to myself. If I didn't know any better I could have sworn he was human, the way he yelled at the TV screen and smashed on the buttons. And who knew vampires could get high?

I looked up from Trip's shoulder which I was leaning against. Luke was smiling. "Trip, dude. This guy is pro at every game. His reflexes are intense." I laughed. I guess Jasper had made himself a new friend.

"Oh and guess what else. He can blow smoke rings."

As the boys sat on the sofa and Jasper tried to teach them the art of exhaling smoke into a ring I laughed to myself. "Jasper, I think you've got yourself some serious admirers."

Eventually we left. We had drove over but we decided to run back because neither of us was really up to driving. Trip and Luke had pretty much passed out. Trip was exhausted from his travels and Luke always passed out before everyone else.

I jumped onto Jasper's back but I kept getting distracted and letting go. So now I was on his front, his arms around me as I held onto his neck and the bag of chips I insisted he brought me to get. I found myself content and was actually disappointed when we arrived. I enjoyed the feeling of being cradled to him like I was something special.

The running should have made my head spin, especially now, but it didn't. Jasper probably wasn't running very fast anyway due to his own head.

We went in and plopped ourselves on the couch as he poked his finger into my cheek. It wasn't hard enough to hurt me but he made my skin jiggle. "Twink, you're warm and squishy. I wish I was warm and squishy." He looked sad as he poked his own cheek.

I poked it too. "But Jasper, you're strong and cool."

He just continued to pout as Peter came down the stairs. Jasper's head was resting in my lap now as he sulked.

Peter took in the scene in front of him with a raised eyebrow. "What's eating Charlie Brown over there?"

That caused me to crack a smile but Jasper fought off his as he frowned. I looked up at Peter with a shrug. "He's upset because he's not squishy enough."

This caused Peter to laugh a hearty, deep laugh. "I know how to cheer him up. Hey Jasper. I got a question for ya. How much did it cost the pirate to get his ears pierced?"

Jasper looked up at him with a straight face. "I don't know. How much."

"A buck-an-ear."

Everything was quiet for a full minute before Jasper started shaking in my lap. He was laughing so hard that his body was actually shaking. He looked up at me to see why I wasn't laughing quite as hard. "Get it? Because it sounds like buccaneer?"

I smiled and laughed, mostly at him. "Yeah, I get it."

Jasper closed his eyes as I stroked his hair softly, enjoying the feel of it between my tingly fingers. He smiled. "Thanks Peter, that cheered me up. But I still wish I was warm and soft, and that I could dream. I think I'd like to dream, and eat pizza."

Peter shook his head at the situation. "CHAR! Dig out the camera!" He yelled as he ran up the stairs.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thanks for the response. It appears high Jasper was a big hit. I will be sure he makes another appearance. I was considering making it an outtake after if there is interest too.**

**Anyway, things are now being set in motion. Hope you enjoy. I don't own Twilight or It's a Wonderful Life.**

Bella POV:

It had been two weeks since I had first met Peter and Charlotte, and Jasper had met Trip and the guys too. Things slid into an easy routine after that. My two calms in the storm that was my life were coming together.

Trip was now back in Florida visiting his family. I had decided to stay here for the holiday. Trip, as laid back as he was, really cared about his siblings and I knew he missed them. He was spending Christmas there but then heading back and spending New Years here with Peter, Charlotte, Jasper and I.

I couldn't wait for all of my family to meet each other. It would sure make things easier too. They didn't seem to mind that I had to split my time, but it was harder for me. I missed Trip. I was used to spending all of my time with him, and though I still saw him a lot, it was different.

On the other hand, I felt so comfortable here too. Peter and Charlotte had become quick family to me. They were so quick to accept me and we got along great. Peter joked around with me and Charlotte was more like a sister than anyone else had ever been. I didn't want a new vampire family, in fact it was the last thing I wanted. But they wanted me and I couldn't fight it. It was hard for me to leave them too.

And Jasper. Jasper and I had grown closer and closer but I didn't really know where things stood. Every time we touched I felt the connection between us. I felt my best when I was close to him. When he left to hunt or I left to go do something with Trip without him, it was difficult.

I tried to tell myself he was just a really good friend. But I knew better. As close as I was with Trip, it wasn't the same. But I also knew I couldn't deal with being hurt again and soon enough he would be gone.

Peter and Charlotte were out hunting and Jasper and I were watching _It's a Wonderful Life_ on television. It was Christmas Eve and I was drinking Egg nog and curled up under a blanket. The tree was decorated in the corner of the room and there were decorations scattered across the house.

The house looked like Santa threw up on it. An over-the-top Christmas had been the last thing I wanted just a month ago. But now, I didn't mind as much as. These vampires were actually excited about the holidays which I thought was hilarious. I had expected it to get tedious after all these years, but maybe they were just trying to make me happy.

I didn't even really like egg nog that much. Every year I tried it again, hoping my tastes had changed. I really wanted to like it, especially this year since they had bought it for me. The alcohol made it slightly better.

The movie credits started to roll and I couldn't help the road my mind took. I started to think about what it would be like if _I_ had never been born. It's not that I wanted that, although maybe before I would have. It was more like I was curious about the idea.

I had been sitting with my back against the arm of the couch and my legs bent at the knee across the couch. My thought process was interrupted as Jasper grabbed my feet. "Hey Twink, what are you thinkin' about over there? It looks like I've lost you."

I smiled at the easy contact. "Oh nothing, don't worry about it." I didn't convince myself very easily though so I knew he wasn't fooled.

He gave me a shit-eating smile which worried me. "No, no. You're not getting out of it that easily."

I tried again. "It was nothing." At my response I felt his fingers start to move on my feet and I tried in vain to kick free of his hold.

"Fine." I finally said and he slowed his fingers but kept his hands where they were. I continued. "Do you ever what it would be like if you were never born?"

His face dropped immediately and he looked like someone had just kicked his puppy. But then immediately his face turned angry. He moved his hands away and stood, pacing the floor.

"Why would you say that? You can't say things like that. You've been happier later. I don't understand, why would you say that?"

I reached my arm to him, grabbing one of his hands in the process. "Hey. Jasper, slow down."

I pulled him down next to me and he let me. He sat on the edge of the couch next to me as I started to explain. "I didn't mean it like that Jasper. Please calm down. I just meant like the movie. Don't you ever get curious what it would be like?"

He looked in my eyes, seemingly accepting what he saw there. He indulged me. "I don't think I've thought about it like that. I guess there were times in my existence that I wished I was never born. But now I know that If that were true I would have also missed so much. Not that I remember much about my human life, but I remember some of my family and I loved them."

I smile at him. "Jasper, I've told you before. Those experiences that made you feel that way made you who you are. And I'm glad I know you." He smiled at me and I continued. "I don't know, I just think that maybe it would have made things easier for everyone else without me in the first place.

It's clear my parents don't want me around. Not that they don't love me, I know they do. But they have put up with so much from me.

And Jake. He wouldn't have fought with the pack. He could have friends that he didn't have to worry about all the time. They wouldn't have had to fight off Laurent. Hell, they probably wouldn't have had to deal with you guys either.

And you guys. You would have still come to Forks but it would have been like the other places. I would never have caused all those problems. James and his friends would have just moved on. You guys would have just stayed until you "aged" too much. You wouldn't of had to leave because of me.

I never would have forced any rifts in the family. Rosalie never would have hated me. Who knows, maybe you and Alice would have worked it out. I don't know, it seems like I really complicated things.

While I was talking he had leaned completely into me and his arms were now around my knees.

"Oh, Bella." He looked a little heartbroken. "I don't even know where to start with that. First of all, no matter how frustrated your parents have gotten with you, it doesn't mean they would be happier without you. And the wolves. I don't know much about them, but they were stupid if they didn't keep you around.

And the Cullens." The way he said it was if they were completely separate from himself. "Rosalie treats everyone like that. If it wasn't about you it would have been someone else. She didn't hate you though, she's just protective of her family.

Our leaving was not your fault. As you said, we would have left sooner or later. It was not your decision for us to leave. We were getting older anyway and it wouldn't have been much longer.

And Alice and I." He sounded detached as he said it. "I've told you before, that had nothing to do with you."

I nodded as he reached his hand up to gently cup my cheek. His hand, while cool, felt comforting. I closed my eyes briefly as I leaned into the touch.

"And, even_ if_ things were easier without you, which they weren't, they definitely were not better. I'm sure your parents wouldn't have traded you for the world, no matter how much trouble you ended up being." He said that with a wink. "And the Cullens, were most certainly better for knowing you. They loved you and you brought them humanity they missed. You brought out the best in them. You were a friend, a sister, and a daughter to them.

And I know Trip is happy to have you, and Peter and Charlotte.

And Bella, I don't know what I would do without you. You have made my life better. When we found each other again, you helped bring me back. You are so important to me."

There were tears welling in my eyes at his words. They made me feel so special and combined with his touch I felt like I was home. I closed my eyes and let my content and happiness flow freely and Jasper sighed a bit as I did.

When I opened my eyes again his face was close to mine. His golden eyes were pouring into mine. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to feel his lips on mine.

In that instant, I dropped any fear I might have had and found myself lean in as well. Our lips were only about an inch apart and I let out a breath and he sighed as it hit his lips. I closed my eyes again in anticipation.

And then the door swung open and our moment was ruined.

I was sitting on the floor in front on the couch where Charlotte sat french braiding my hair. She probably could have done it in seconds with vampire speed, but she was taking her time. I liked the calming effect it had on me.

Her and Peter had burst in the door, telling Jasper he needed to call the Cullens. They needed to talk to him.

Since then I had been sitting here worrying. I had no idea what the Cullens needed. No matter what, I couldn't think of anything positive. Alice wanted him back. They all wanted him back. They knew we were hanging out and he had to leave. Charlotte assured me that they had no idea what it was about, but that it was nothing like that.

I was a bit calmer sitting with Charlotte though. She had a strong effect on me, like Trip. It was like we had always known each other.

I decided to try to take my mind off of the situation, because there was nothing I could do. He had left us so that I didn't have to deal with the call.

"Char?" I asked, hoping she would indulge me.

"Yeah doll?"

"What was your human life like?" She had never told me about it.

"I can't tell you that."

I nodded, understanding and not wanting to be insensitive.

"No hon' not like that. I don't remember anything about it."

"Oh. I didn't know." I knew human memories became hazy, but other than Alice I had never heard of anyone forgetting altogether.

"Yeah, I got nothin'. I don't know if I had a family, where I was from, if I was rich or poor. Nothin'. When I woke up I didn't know even know there was anything other than vampires."

"Sorry to hear that Char."

"Its okay sugar. I'm happy now. Enough about me. What is goin' on with you and Jasper? Did you guys finally pull your heads out of your asses?"

I giggled at her crude assessment of the situation. "Char!"

She put a hair tie in the bottom of my hair and slid down onto the floor next to me. "I can see the way you both look at each other, the way you both came back to life with the other's help. I love you both and I just want you to be happy."

I blushed a little. "I don't know, Char. I thought it was just me. And I was trying so hard to fight it, expecting him to leave. Now I don't know. It hurts to be away from him and that scares me."

She wrapped her arms around me. "I think that it will all work out."

JPOV

I hunted quickly, calming myself before I called the Cullens. I didn't know what they would want and I wanted to be prepared. I didn't want to hear what they had to say, but if Peter and Charlotte thought I needed to, I probably should.

But what bad timing. I had been this close to kissing Bella. I had wanted to do it for weeks, but didn't want to push her. I knew she was hurting and we had established a strong friendship and I was comforted in the fact we could still have our small touches. I didn't want to lose it.

It felt so right in that moment though. I don't know if she was caught up in it or if it was what she wanted.

I sighed and took out my cell phone dialing Carlisle. I figured he was the safest bet.

The phone rang twice. "Hello." He sounded a bit out of place, which was strange for Carlisle.

"Hi Carlisle."

"Jasper? Is that you?" I had ditched my old cell phone when I left. He didn't have my number. "I'm surprised to hear from you. Of course I'm glad, it has just been awhile. I'm glad to hear you're okay, son."

"Yeah, sorry Carlisle. I know I told Esme I would call. I'm okay. I can tell you more about it later but is there something you need to talk to me about first?"

He gave a small knowing chuckle but I could still tell he was upset. "You must be with Peter I suppose?"

"I am. What is it Carlisle?" I just wanted to get it over with.

"Well, we are dealing with something. I think it possibly could concern you too, and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Alice and Rosalie are away in Europe and Edward is still gone, and so Esme, Emmet and I were out hunting. We had decided to take a trip, looking for some different game. We returned to Alaska, finding the house a mess. Everything was turned over or broken. Someone had obviously been looking for something."

That was something strange, in the vampire world anyway. "Wow Carlisle, I can't believe someone broke into a vampire house. Where were the Denalis? Have you figured out who it was?" I had many questions.

"Well, there's more Jasper. The Denalis were actually at home at the time. And they were all killed."

"What?" I couldn't hold in my shock. "All of them? Tanya, Kate, Irina, Carmen, Eleazar?"

"I'm afraid so. The necklaces they all wear were found amongst their ashes."

"Jesus, Carlisle. I'm really sorry." I knew they were like family to him. No wonder he was so upset.

"Thank you, Jasper."

I still had more questions. "So it was more than a break-in then I guess?"

"Indeed we think so. There's still more. We are back in Forks now. We just arrived about five minutes before you called. We ran, and stopped there to try to figure things out. But our house has been ravished the same way."

"What the fuck?" I didn't even try to hold in my language. "So you think this is somehow about us?"

"It's the only this that makes sense." He was right but who would be looking for something from us?

I thought for a minute. "Do you think it was that woman from before, Victoria?"

"Why would you think that Jasper?" He sounded a bit shocked.

"Well Laurent went back to Forks looking to avenge James' death and the wolves had to kill him."

"How do you know that son?"

Of course, I shouldn't know that. I didn't want to deal with that now though. "It's not important right now. Could it be her?"

"Well, here's the thing. There were no vampire scents in the area?"

"What? Humans? Or maybe some sort of ability? Maybe the Volturi?"

"I really don't know. I called Aro right before you called. He didn't seem to know anything, he was actually curious about the whole situation."

"You should probably get out of there for now. It sounds like they were there first so they are probably gone, but you never know."

"Yeah, we're trying to figure it out now. But son, if someone is after us, it could impact you."

"Look Carlisle. I have a new houseguest who might not take too kindly to the idea of a family reunion. I will call you back soon." I couldn't imagine Bella would be happy with that.

We ended our conversation and I shook my head. I walked back to the house trying to figure out what to do. I couldn't leave her to help them. I had promised I wouldn't and even if I hadn't I couldn't be apart from her.

I couldn't bring them here either. I wouldn't push Bella away. At the same time, as upset as I was at Alice I couldn't abandon the family that helped me either.

I walked into the house and saw Bella and Charlotte hugging. I took a minute to smile at their friendship.

They looked up at me and I could feel Bella's nerves. She rushed to the bathroom so I took the opportunity to run down the situation to Charlotte at vampire speed. She nodded and said that Peter and her would do anything I needed to help. I nodded and she left the room quickly.

Bella came back out, and noticed that we were now alone and I felt her nerves again. I didn't know if she was nervous because of the Cullens or me.

Her hair was pulled back in a hair style I recognized from my time and it made me smile. She looked at me expectantly so I went and stood in front of her. We were only inches apart but I didn't make contact yet.

As strong as her nerves were, her resolve began to build. "Just go. If you have to go, then just go."

And there she was. The woman that I first encountered weeks ago in in Rhode Island who pushed me away was back. I wasn't going to let her slip back into that though.

I reached out to her, placing my hands on her upper arms gently. I felt the calming connection between us and hoped she did too. I could feel her resolve lowering a bit against her will. "Jasper, I get it okay. Just go."

I sighed. "Bella, listen to me. I'm right where I want to be." I cupped my hands onto her cheeks. "The Cullens are in some trouble but I'm not leaving you. I will help them if I can but I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded in half-acceptance. I leaned in to show her just how true my words were. I paused a hair away from her lips, enjoying the warmth. And then my phone rang out in my pocket.

I had no intention of answering it but she pulled away. "God damn my fucking luck." I whispered low enough she wouldn't hear me. I sighed to myself and pulled out my phone. I kept an arm around her though so she wouldn't leave.

"What is it?"

"Jasper." It was Carlisle's voice on the other end. "We were just about to leave Forks when we decided to go check on her. We weren't going to talk to Bella, just make sure she was okay. But her house had been ravished just like ours."

"You think this is about her?" I couldn't help the growl in my chest. Bella shook slightly at the vibration.

"That's what it seems like. Otherwise this is too big of a coincidence. Her father was left alive. Why would vampires do that. I don't understand, but it can't be too long before they find something that leads them to her. I just wanted to update you on the situation. We are going to stay in Forks for a bit so that we can find where she went. I'll talk to Charlie, some how get her to tell me I don't know if he'll tell me." He was more frazzled than I had ever heard him be. "I'll figure out something and then I don't know..."

"Carlisle." I interrupted him and Bella tensed in my arms at his name. I tightened my hold on her to reassure her, but she was trying to break out of my hold. "Just trust me, okay. Come to me in Rhode Island. Get Alice and Rosalie to meet you here. I'll explain when you get here, but don't worry about her."

Bella's fear increased with my last few seconds. She was starting to panic. She was fighting against me. Especially after the mention of Alice coming. I didn't want to frighten her. But if this was about her, I needed the help in protecting her. Besides that, they were going looking for her, and would find out she was in Rhode Island quickly enough anyway. I needed them on my side here. I could explain that to her, and she didn't even have to see them.

"Okay. I will call when we get there for directions." He just hung up the phone but I didn't get a chance as Bella's emotions reached a peak and she put her hand on my chest. In a matter of seconds I was flying backwards in the air and then things went black.

I opened my eyes and noticed that I was on my back on the other side of the room. I didn't know how long it had been but Bella was kneeling over me with tears rolling out of her eyes. I could feel her fear but it reduced very slightly when I opened my eyes.

Her hands were on my face and I immediately forgot all the questions that were racing through my mind.

When she saw that I was okay she went to pull away and stand up, but before she could I raised my head and weaved my hands in her hair. I brought my lips to hers before anything had the chance to interrupt us again. The second my lips met hers I felt her warmth and our connection, stronger than before. I could taste her salty tears, mixed in with her sweet taste.

She hesitated for a minute but then her lips started moving against mine too. It felt right and in that moment it didn't matter that she sent me flying, or that soon Alice would be here soon enough, or whether she would go back with Edward. None of it mattered in that minute. It was just me and her.

Our kiss heated and I ran my tongue along her lip trying to get in. She opened her lips willingly and I ran my tongue on top of hers, reveling in her warmth.

I felt each of her teeth as she moaned. But realization suddenly settled on her and she pulled away. She stayed close though, not bolting this time. I sat up slowly and noticed why she stopped. Peter and Charlotte had been standing over me too.

Now they were laughing. I sighed and pulled her into my lap as she had calmed down a bit while remaining confused and nervous. "Jesus Jasper. I'm so sorry."

"You did that, Bella?" I asked her, not believing.

Peter joined the conversation too. "What did you do sugar?"

She was flustered. "I-I don't know. I was thinking about how I wanted to push you away and all these emotions just built up in me and when I touched your chest, you were literally pushed away. And I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I'm not hurt, it's okay. Just I little stunned." I stroked her back to reassure her. "Has anything like that ever happened before?"

She nodded, biting her bottom lip. If I wasn't so focused on the moment I would have noticed how sexy it was.

We all looked at her expectantly so she chose to continue. "I think so. I can't really remember. But you know that night that I called you to come get me? The reason I was so upset was because I had a dream about that first night you saw me. I thought I had made it up but now I'm not so sure."

I grabbed her hand to comfort her. "Can you tell us about it?"

She sighed, but I think she wanted to know what was going on too much to pull away. We were in too deep with each other now anyway. "Well, that night, that guy, he forced himself on me." She skipped over all the details. I knew what she was referring to but Peter and Charlotte were both shocked. I felt the growl rip in my chest but I was surprised to hear two others. She gave us all a small smile at our reaction.

"Well when _he_ first left, when I would do something dangerous, I could see his face and hear his voice. So I started chasing it. When I took my first drink, rode motorcycles, did drugs, I would see him but not for long. He was slipping.

Anyway, in that moment, when I was all alone he didn't come. I was mad. I was mad at that guy for doing that to me and that I couldn't stop him. And I was mad that _he_ had left me in the first place and then abandoned me again. I was pretty drugged but I managed to reach up to him and all of my anger built in my hand until it burnt him."

What the fuck was she? Was this some sort of power? None of us said anything for a long time.

Bella was the first to speak, changing the subject. "They're coming here. Aren't they?"

"Bella, it's a long story and I'm going to tell you. I'm not going to keep things from you. But you have to know, you have nothing to worry about from them. My priority is with you. If you are not comfortable with seeing them you don't have to."

I could see the question in her eyes that she didn't want to ask. So I didn't make her. "Edward is not with him, they haven't been able to find him for some time now. He has run off on his own."

She nodded and I felt her relief. "And Alice?"

"She's with Rosalie but they will be coming too. But again, there's nothing to worry about. Her and I are over. I told you that, how it has been for a long time. In case you haven't noticed, there's someone else anyway." I smiled as I kissed her lightly on the lips.

I got ready to tell her the entire situation, about her house, the Cullens', the Denalis, everything, as Charlotte spoke up. "I have a feeling we could all use a drink for this."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hi everyone. Thanks for the response last chapter. Silly me, I forgot to give a theme song for it, so I've decided to give you guys a little surprise. I have chosen a theme song for the story, and I will give it out in my review responses. A line in it has a spoiler for a major plot point in the story. So if you don't want to know, make sure you let me know! Afterwards I would love to hear your guesses.**

**You all know I don't own Twilight. Theme song this time around, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas by Lonestar. Link in my profile.**

**Oh and I currently use twitter professionally, but I have created a personal account and will use it for fanfiction, so give me a follow WhiskeyTimewarp**

BPOV:

Shit. I could see the sun, even behind my closed eyes and knew it was late morning. I told myself that maybe if I didn't open my eyes, I'd never have to face the Cullens. Yeah, that could work.

I knew I was being unfair. Jasper told me I didn't have to see them if I didn't want to, but I knew deep down I did. The first to arrive would be Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett. I could deal with my surrogate parents and big brother. Couldn't I?

It's really not that I didn't want to see them. A big part of me missed them. But the rest of me was fighting to pull away. How long before they'd leave again?

I groaned and put a pillow over my face. With this move, I heard a low chuckle next to me and smiled into the pillow. I immediately relaxed into Jasper's arms that surrounded me.

He had stayed with me all night. Yesterday had been such an eventful day, what with us both realizing that the other was feeling the same and finally admitting it, my flinging him across the room, and then the Cullens calling. I knew I never would have slept without him there.

It felt so right to be there with him, and I suddenly wondered why I had worked so hard to push him away. "Can't we just stay here in bed forever?"

I could almost hear his smile. "You won't hear any complaints from me darlin'."

No. The Cullens were coming and I had to accept that. I could do this. After all, it would be the easiest three first.

Besides, I could be in danger. Jasper had told me someone had been searching for something at both my and the Cullens' houses. It could definitely have something to do with me. Maybe it was best to have the extra hands around.

"But if we did stay here all day, we'd miss Christmas." I rolled over and looked at an amused Jasper. With everything on my mind I had forgotten it was Christmas.

"Merry Christmas, Jasper." I whispered, finally moving the pillow out of the way.

"Merry Christmas, Twink." He responded in turn with a smile and then a quick kiss. I smiled too, it proved to me last night wasn't a dream. "Now come on, I have quite the day planned for us."

I sighed but obeyed. I got up and hopped in the shower before getting dressed in jeans and a plain red shirt.

As I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen I began laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. There stood the last thing I ever thought I would see. The three vampires were all donning ugly Christmas sweaters. The kind with cotton and glitter that you get as a gift from your grandmother and only wear as a bad joke.

"Something funny?" Peter asked me with a straight face.

"You guys look ridiculous!" I was still laughing.

"Don't laugh too hard." Peter continued as he reached behind him and grabbed a fourth sweater.

"Oh no! Not happening!" I knew it was a futile fight and before I knew it, I had my own Christmas cardigan on. These vampires were lucky I loved them, because they sure did push it.

"Who's idea was this anyway?" They all laughed but both Charlotte and Jasper pointed at Peter as he just shrugged.

"Can't blame a guy for gettin' in the spirit, can ya?" He asked innocently and I just laughed. I knew they were trying help me have a good holiday with everything that was going on and I couldn't fault them for that.

I sat down to a cup of candy cane coffee and toast, wondering what else they had planned. "You guys didn't have to go through all this trouble."

"Who said it was all for you sugar?" Charlotte asked with a grin. "We happen to like Christmas too."

After breakfast they pulled out a gingerbread house and I had to laugh. Charlotte was creating the trees, while Jasper and Peter worked together, swearing as they tried to get the house to stay up. I was in charge of decorating the gingerbread men to put in front of the house.

I created one with a skirt and long hair, and gave the other three small fangs and candy red icing dripping from them. They all thought it was pretty funny. I bit one of the vampire heads off which elicited three laughs. I knew I would be eating gingerbread for awhile to come.

A little later we exchanged gifts. Their extravagant gifts had me a little nervous. I wondered if I had done enough. Jasper had gotten Peter and Charlotte a set of plane tickets for a destination of their choice and they got him a new guitar. At least that would go well with my gift for him.

They said I had to wait on my gift because one part hadn't arrived yet. I was nervous about what large or expensive item they had chosen for me. I decided it was best not to worry about it yet, and went to get my presents for them.

I bit my bottom lip in anticipation and realized I was projecting my nervousness when Jasper came and grabbed my hand gently. I smiled at him before I explained, hoping they would understand. "I don't really have a lot of money right now, but I wanted to get you guys something that showed how much it has meant to me that you took me in and have been so patient with me. And they're not extravagant or anything.."

I trailed off but they all smiled. I decided to give them the most important thing I could think of, my faith. I chose things that showed them that I was trusting them not to just up and leave me.

Charlotte seemed pleased with the southern cook book I chose for her. She had asked that I teach her how to cook since she couldn't remember her human life. She gave me a tight hug to thank me and started looking through it. I was really excited to start with her, we got along so well and I knew it would be fun.

Peter was giddy over the practical joker's kit I got him. I knew it was dangerous, but he was already picking on me and I figured this way we could team up and get the others. He was already blowing a whoopie cushion in Char's face and I gave her an apologetic smile.

I gave Jasper his gift next, hoping he would like it. He opened the book of guitar music and read my inscription on the inside. _For us, to learn together._ I knew he didn't really need the sheet music, he had played long enough to play by ear, but it was the symbology. It was a long term project that allowed us to spend time together.

Jasper's smile warmed me inside. "Thank you. This is great."

I shrugged. "It's nothing really."

He came over an wrapped his arms around my lower back and kissed me sweetly. "No it's not, it's great." He lowered his forehead to mine. "This really means a lot." I knew then that he understood as he projected his gratitude onto me.

We stood like that for a few minutes until he took my hand leading me towards the door. "Come on then, we have a whole day ahead of us."

When we arrived at his destination I shook my head fervently. "No! No, way! Don't even think about it."

As I looked out onto the outdoor skating arena and all the couples skating hand in hand I was sure he had lost his mind. There was no way a sane person would try to put sharp objects anywhere near my body and on a slippery surface no less.

"Come on Twink, please." He looked up at me with puppy dog eyes and I had to look away. I didn't even know vampires could make those eyes. I sighed as I knew I would never be able to say no to him.

"Fine." I replied, but made sure to add, "but you better not let me fall."

He smiled at me, dragging me out of the car. "Never."

I gave him a small smile as I let him drag me to a bench and tightly tie my skates. I looked around at all of the trees that were decorated in lights and ornaments. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all.

We made it out onto the ice and I gripped the side tightly as I stepped in my skates.

Jasper skated backwards, pulling me along with his hands like a parent would do to a child. "No, it's more of a glide, not a walk. Like this." He pulled me as he skated flawlessly.

"See, you're skating." He said with a smile as he lifted me slightly off the ground as he spun in a circle. I smiled back at him, knowing in reality he was skating and I was just along for the ride.

"You're really good." I said simply as he continued to pull me around the rink. It was a bit chilly and I was glad he had grabbed me some mittens and a hat.

"I've had many years to practice. We have had a lot of free time on our hands over the years and we often live in places where there's a lot of snow and little sun." He replied with a smirk.

His words reminded me of the upcoming company and I immediately started to panic. In less than a second, before I could even say anything, Jasper had his hands on either side of my face, stopping us momentarily.

"Don't worry about them, okay? This day is all about us." I nodded with a slight smile, trying my best to do just that. We continued to skate, talking about my classes for the next term, Trip's Christmas plans, and other safe subjects.

We headed to the car after my feet became tired and he turned up the heat, knowing I must be cold. I gave him an appreciative smile. "Thanks for today Jasper, it's been awhile since I had a nice Christmas."

"Me too. And there's no one I would rather spend it with." He gave my hand a small squeeze.

"Me neither." And I meant it, projecting my honesty. I knew he must be worried about what would happen if _he_ came back and I wanted to show him how content I was.

We didn't get too deep into the conversation though because we arrived at our next destination rather quickly. We pulled up to a movie theatre and I became curious as he came around and opened my door, pulling me out of the car.

I looked up at the sign and saw _A Christmas Story_ was playing and immediately I was very excited. I hit him playfully. "No way, Jasper!"

I had told him yesterday that it was my favourite Christmas movie of all time. It reminded me of Christmases when I was young and used to visit Charlie. I had never seen it in the theatre though.

I took a moment to hug his waist before we went in. He went to the concession stand while I picked out seats and he came back with a large popcorn, a drink, and milk duds. I looked up at him in question and he shrugged with a sly smile. "I didn't know what you liked."

He draped his arm around my shoulders and I leaned into his side, starting on my popcorn. We spent the movie cuddled together, laughing throughout it.

After the movie, he stopped to pick me up some dinner before we headed back to the house. I sat and ate as he played his guitar for me, singing some Christmas songs.

JPOV

I hoped her day was going well. She deserved a real date and I had little time to give it to her. I knew things were sure to get complicated soon, so today had to be perfect.

After dinner we sat around the house, playing some music from the guitar book she got me and just talking. A little later in the evening Peter came in the front door, and sat next to Bella on the couch. He placed his hand over Bella's eyes without a word and she immediately started pulling at his hand to no use. "Peter, what the hell do you think you're doing? Let me go!"

He chuckled. "Sorry little one, Char's bringing in the last part of your gift. Just a minute longer. Now calm down or you'll ruin the whole surprise."

A few seconds later he dropped his hand and she looked at us expectantly. Peter smiled. "I don't know if we should even let her have it if she's going to be like that."

She glared at him. As much as she didn't like surprises I could feel her curiosity.

I stood up and took her hand as Charlotte came back into the room. "I think we could let it slip, this time." And with that I brought her upstairs with Peter and Charlotte behind me.

We opened a door, all piling in before Peter switched on the lights. I immediately felt her happiness and gratitude as she looked around her new room.

The walls had been painted a light purple, with dark purple accents. We had purchased a book shelf and filled it full of books that I knew Bella liked or that we thought she might.

There was a television with DVDs and we had put up a few photos of the four of us and some of her with Trip. There was a laptop on the desk and some of the knick knacks we picked up from her place.

"This is all for me?" She asked incredulously.

I nodded. "Its from all three of us. Do you like it?"

She smiled before taking the time to hug each of us. "Thank you guys! It's perfect!"

Charlotte squeezed her hand. "You can use it as often as you like. We love having you here and wanted you to have a place of your own."

Bella looked up at us. "Are you guys asking me to move in with you?"

Charlotte replied for us all. "Yes. We would love that. But if you're not comfortable with that you can just use it to stay in when you are over."

I could feel nothing but happiness coming from Bella when she answered. "I'm in." We all smiled in response. "But I don't think I could leave Trip."

I sighed at her, pretending like it was a big deal as I took her hand and led her out of the room. "I had a feeling you'd say that."

We walked down the hall as Peter and Charlotte left us, heading to the living room. I opened the door to the old room she was staying in and she gasped when she saw Trip lying on the bed. She ran towards him as he stood and scooped her into a hug.

"I thought you went home for Christmas?" Bella was still shocked.

"Oh Cookie. You know you're my family too. I was there first but we've had this planned for awhile now. I had to make it back to see you."

I greeted Trip and left the room to let them catch up. I went to the living room to meet up with Peter and Charlotte but I could still hear their conversation.

"I had to check out my new diggs too."

I heard her squeal. "You mean?"

He laughed. "Yeah. Well you know Luke is done school and heading out to find a job and so I was going to be in the market for a new place anyway. Jasper told me he was thinking about asking you to come and stay, and you know I like the guy. And one thing led to another, and when we planned it with Peter and Charlotte I couldn't help but get along with them. Peter is a riot, and Charlotte is so sweet and I feel like I've known her a long time. I knew it'd be a good time."

I knew Bella would have a lot of questions and I would answer them later. She was probably wondering about how we would keep our secret. He wouldn't be here permanently until the new semester and by then hopefully the Cullen situation would be resolved. It's not something we had worked into the plan.

Besides, Bella and I already spent most of our time with him and if he did notice by now that something was different about me he never mentioned it. We would just have to be careful until we decided what the future had for us all.

"So spill Cookie."

"What do you mean?" She asked innocently.

"You know very well what I mean. I can see you're glowing. Did you two finally smarten up?" I smiled. Did everyone see this coming?

She giggled and I was sure she nodded.

I put on the television and talked with Peter and Charlotte to try to tune out their conversation. I decided to go for a quick hunt, just to be safe, knowing they would be up there awhile. When I returned an hour later, I could still hear Bella and Trip planning out their next semester. She was so happy, and that made me happy.

A little while later Bella came into the room, thanking us again. Trip had fallen asleep, he had had quite the long day. Peter and Charlotte left a few minutes later. They said they needed a hunt and wanted to spend some alone time together. They weren't usually shy about it, but I knew they didn't want to offend Trip and Bella. And I had a feeling they really just wanted to give Bella and I some time to ourselves, for which I was grateful.

It was dark outside, just about eleven now. There wasn't much left of Christmas, and I had one last thing for Bella. I made sure she dressed warmly and took her out to the property stretching behind the backyard into the trees. She smiled as she spotted the horse and carriage that was waiting for us. We got into the carriage and I pulled the blanket on the bench over top of her so that she didn't get cold. I could feel her happiness and appreciation.

I only saw her smile grow as I pulled out a bottle of champagne and two glasses that I had requested come with the carriage. I poured and handed her a glass and she leaned into me, wrapping her arm around mine.

"You didn't have to do all of this. Everything today has just been so wonderful. It's too much." Although she meant it, I could also feel how happy she was and that meant everything. Nothing would ever be too much if it made her smile like this.

I shook my head and took a sip of the champagne. "You deserve to be happy Bella."

On top of her happiness, I felt of surge of pride from her. "So do you Jasper."

I looked at her questioningly. "What's that for?"

She understood what I meant immediately. "I'm just proud of you Jasper. You've come so far and I'm just glad that I can help make you happy. You don't seem to have any trouble being around me anymore."

I smiled at her. She was amazing. "You know, I really don't. I'm not saying you don't smell good. God, do you smell good." She blushed a little at that. "But I always knew I didn't want to hurt you, you're too important. Even when you were with Edward I was never really tempted. I think that night, your birthday, that everyone's lust together and the blood was too much for me. I hope though that I wouldn't have hurt you."

She shook her head, placing it on my shoulder. "I know you wouldn't have."

I smiled at her faith in me. "I don't think I could if I tried." And I knew we both understood that I was no longer just talking physically. She didn't say anything to respond so I decided to change the subject slightly. "I could say that I'm proud of you too."

"Me?" She asked a little disbelievingly.

"Yes, you." I tapped her on the nose with my finger, earning myself one of her smiles. "I'm proud of how strong you are. But I'm even more proud that you've let me in. I know how hard that has been for you."

She nodded and looked up at me. "I'm sorry I pushed you away Jasper. I was just so scared of getting too close. Hell, a bit of me still is. I didn't know how long it would be until you decided you didn't want me either."

"What do you mean?" I asked her, not really sure what she was getting at.

"That's what _he_..." She sighed. "That's what Edward said when he left me, that he didn't want me anymore." I was even more proud of her and I let it project back onto her.

She smiled at me. "It feels good to say it. I'm tired of pushing it all away, not allowing myself to talk about it, think about it. I'm happy again, and that's okay. I'm not going to let my past get in the way. I'm still scared and I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm sure of us and that's all I can do."

We sat in silence for a few minutes before she spoke again. "All I know is that you were there for me when I didn't think I could ever be whole again. And I just couldn't fight that connection between us. I could trust you and you made me happy, and whenever we touched.."

"You felt it too?" I was shocked now. I thought it was something to do with her warmth or just on my end.

"Yeah. I had never felt anything like it." So it wasn't just some vampire-human connection if she hadn't felt it with Edward. She continued. "It's like history, and comfort, and home." And I knew she didn't mean our history from Forks. It was like we were always meant to be the ones who were together, the real us.

I nodded, understanding completely.

"Thank you for finding." She whispered.

"Thank you for letting me."

We spent the rest of the ride in comfortable silence and when we arrived back at the house I took us over to the fireplace so that Bella could warm up. As she took off her coat and hat I laid down a blanket before pulling her down, grabbing her hand. Peter and Charlotte weren't back and I could hear Trip's even breaths from his slumber upstairs.

She smiled softly at me. "Thanks, Jasper. This was the perfect day."

I returned her smile, before bringing our joined hands up and kissing the top of her hers. "Well, we can have many more like them, if you'll let me that is."

She responded by leaning over to kiss me sweetly, both of us letting our happiness take us over. But it heated fairly quickly.

Neither of us wanted to rush anything. We had just found our way to each other and emotions were running rampant. We were content to just explore each other at our own pace. Her blood was the last thing on my mind in that moment.

In time, her soft lips moved against mine with increasing pressure. I was careful not to apply too much pressure of my own. I ran my tongue along her lip and she parted them for me. I moved my tongue into her mouth, feeling the warmth of it. It was amazing. She tasted warm and of everything sweet but with a slight kick.

She moaned softly into my mouth and I let my hands explore her stomach and her back as she did the same. Her soft warm hands brushed my skin and I felt my whole body relaxing at the touch.

I moved my way to her neck placing soft kisses along her collarbone. I leaned her onto her back, resting on top of her with my elbows on either side of her body. She reached up running her fingers through my hair and I found myself purring into her touch. It was one of the most amazing things I had ever felt.

I wasn't going to push her too far, but I definitely wanted more. I undid her cardigan, and slipped it off her shoulders. She surprised me by lifting up her arms, allowing me to pull her t-shirt over her head.

I immediately felt my jeans tighten as I looked down, seeing her only in a yellow lace bra that left little to the imagination. I was in trouble now.

I let her pull my own sweater over my head at her own speed. I was letting her set the pace now, so as not to rush her, and she surprised me again by pulling me back down towards her. I was completely in the moment, laying kisses on her neck, down to the spot between her breasts as I reached one of my hands up to cup one gently. My entire focus was on Bella, in my whole existence I had never been more focused on something.

And I guess that's how it slipped by me that someone was approaching. I only became aware when I heard such a small gasp that Bella remained oblivious. I immediately stiffened and looked up from the piece of heaven I had found.

And there stood Esme with her hand covering her mouth, Emmett with his mouth hanging open, and even Carlisle's eyes went wide. And Peter and Charlotte just grinned happily.

I reluctantly pulled away as Bella looked up at me and I felt her fear and rejection. She leaned her head back, looking upside-down to follow my gaze.

Emmett broke the silence as he said louder than necessary, "What the fuck?" Esme responded by chastising him for his inappropriate language.

I immediately felt Bella's embarrassment, even overpowering the shock from the Cullens, and amusement from Peter and Charlotte. She immediately started blushing and I could hear the blood rush to her cheeks. But then she surprised me yet again by turning her head back up and closing her eyes before she spoke. "Well, shit." This brought about a further wave of shock from the door, but Emmett's amusement joined Peter and Charlotte's.

I could hear Peter laugh out loud now as I stood up, pulling Bella behind me so she could throw on her cardigan. "Well that was a hell of a greeting, I must say. But can't you two ever get a room? I know privacy is a bit of a farce amongst vampires, but you don't have to keep pawing each other in front of me you know."

That broke the tension slightly as I felt everyone start to calm down a little. "I guess maybe we shoulda called first? We ran into these guys on the edge of town and we figured we would just bring em' back for ya."

Emmett tilted his head to the side, trying to get a peek behind me. I could feel his happiness but it was again overwhelmed by his shock. "Bella? Is that you?"

He smiled and held out his arms expectantly. It was too much for Bella though, I could feel her warring with herself behind me but her apprehension won out. She walked out in front on me slowly and looked up at them all. "I-I'm sorry. I can't do this." And she ran out the still opened front door. Luckily we hadn't gotten her shoes off yet, but she didn't even bother grabbing a jacket.

I looked up at them apologetically and Carlisle spoke first. "Hi son. It's nice to see you, but it seems we have much to discuss."

"Indeed we do." I looked at all of them. "I'm sorry about that, I know you feel rejected, I was there too. She's doing better now but it's going to take some time."

They nodded but I continued. "And I will explain everything and we'll talk about what's going on, but you'll have to excuse me." I pointed towards the door as I grabbed her coat.

As I made my way out the door I heard stirring upstairs. "Oh, and we have a human guest, so I would appreciate you keeping that in mind." I knew they understood as I heard Trip heading down the stairs. I knew that Peter and Charlotte would help keep the situation under control though.

I found my way outside, easily following Bella's scent. I wondered where she was heading on foot but understood when it took me around the house to the property out back.

I had to stifle a laugh because I knew it wasn't the time, but there Bella stood trying to get up our tree on her own. I sped up and appeared behind her. "Can I help you darlin'?"

I could feel her fear, and a bit of embarrassment. I wondered if she wanted to be alone but then I actually felt a bit of relief from her and she nodded.

I pressed her against my chest with one arm, easily climbing with my feet and other hand and pulling us onto the branch. This time I sat with my back against the trunk, pulling her against my chest.

"We haven't been up here in awhile." I noted. At least not alone. The four of us had come a few times.

She nodded. "Yeah. I missed it."

I wrapped my arms around her waist putting my chin onto her shoulder. "You know Twink. You say the word and they're gone. If you're not comfortable, they can stay somewhere else around here."

She shook her head. "No. I don't mean to push them away. I know the three of them care about me. I have no problem with them, but I just can't get close to them again." I could feel her nerves.

While I felt for her in that moment, I found myself very happy. "Thank you for trusting me. It means the world to me that you're here, letting me be with you."

She sighed into my chest. "Again, I'm sorry for pushing you away Jasper. I just don't know what to do if you left again. I'm pretty sure you won't, but I don't know if I can put myself out there for them just to have them leave again."

I nodded and nuzzled her neck. "Bella, I'm not telling, or even asking you to let them in again. But there's something that maybe you should know." I paused, hoping I wouldn't upset her. "When we left, Edward told us that you wanted us to leave and to not see us again because it would be too hard. He said you were worried about the safety of your father, your friends."

She turned to look at me, speechless for a moment, confusion overtaking her. "And you all believed him?"

I nodded. "Just like you believed him when he told you that he didn't want you." She nodded in understanding. "And you know I don't think we would have believed him had he said you were afraid for yourself. But it's so like you to worry more about other people than your own happiness, so it didn't seem that far of a stretch."

I felt her understanding and surprise, but her relative calm. I pulled her back against me and we sat in silence. I reached into a hole in the trunk where I had taken to leaving our smokes and a lighter so that they were always there. We remained silent as I placed a cigarette in between her lips, holding it with one hand and lighting it with the other, replacing the lighter into the tree.

She inhaled and I removed it, taking my own drag from my place on top of her shoulder. We continued in this fashion until we had reached the end and I put it out against the tree before flinging in down towards the ground.

She sighed deeply. "Okay, let's go."

"Hmm?"

"Let's go. I can't promise anything, but I'm at least ready to face them." I nodded at her determination and brought her down from the tree. I led her to the back door with my hand on the small of her back, like I had all that time ago in Phoenix, happy in the fact that now she was mine.

I opened the back door for her, leading her into the house and towards the living room as five pairs of eyes were on us. Trip was now sitting on the couch with Peter, seemingly at ease. Esme and Carlisle sat on the love seat, and Emmett on the chair. I heard Char working in the kitchen.

As I inventoried our surroundings, Bella seemed to as well, taking small steps into the room. She paused in the centre and looked up from her eyelashes right at Emmett. I felt his hope. "Em?"

I saw his smile reach his eyes as he stood, opening his arms. I felt his relief and both of their happiness as Bella ran towards him. She had almost reached him, when I briefly noticed Charlotte come out of the kitchen, facing everyone in the room. And a second later, everything fell apart.

It all happened in a flash as I heard a crash but did not seek it out. My eyes were on Bella, my Bella as she dropped towards the ground, her body flopping like a rag doll. Emmett was closest to her so he dropped to his knees and caught her before she hit the floor.

I was there in an instant. I could hear her heartbeat and breathing and that gave me a small amount of reassurance. I ran my cool hands on her face, worried she had fainted from the pressure of the situation. "Bella? Bella, can you hear me?" By now I had pulled her from Emmett's arms, cradling her to my chest.

"Carlisle!" I called for him, wondering why he wasn't already by her side. When he didn't come I immediately searched him out.

I felt a wave of fear on top of my own as I took in the entire scene of the room for the first time. Carlisle was over Trip looking into his eyes with a small flashlight as Esme held him gently.

I felt myself start to panic, wondering what could have caused both humans to faint simultaneously. Did we have a gas leak, maybe some sort of carbon dioxide problem? Should we be getting them out of here? I was about to ask Carlisle when I noticed something that would have made my venom run cold, if that were any more possible. I had seen enough in my existence that I was not easily scared, but right now I was terrified.

My still heart sunk in my chest as I noticed Peter holding Char in the same manner. The cup of cocoa had fallen and shattered on the ground, probably causing the crash a few seconds ago. Whatever I had thought was happening shouldn't be able to affect vampires. And why only them?

Emmett broke our silence. "What the fuck?" He repeated his earlier statement and Esme half-heartedly chastised him.

Carlisle looked up as we all looked to him for some sort of explanation. With his response I knew we were in trouble. "No Esme. I think this time Emmett's sentiment is quite appropriate."

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed a little Christmas in August. How was that reunion? Let me know :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I had chosen one of the prettiest songs I think I've ever heard for the theme this chapter. Cartel's Save Us, if you haven't heard it, check out the link on my profile. But then I thought of a better song, Dagger by Slowdive. So you get two songs this chapter.**

**Sorry this chapter took longer than I expected. Its shorter than usual, but I wanted to get something to you. I struggled a bit with getting this on paper, but here goes. See you at the bottom**

BPOV:

I awoke with a start. Was awoke the right word? I knew in a way that I was sort of dreaming, but everything in front of me was grounded in reality. I didn't physically belong here, but this dream world was mine, from long ago.

And then it all rushed back to me, a tidal wave of distant memories. They were happening so fast as they played in front of me like a video stuck on fast forward. But as they sped past me I felt all of the emotions held within them, remembering that which was lost to me for some time now.

I lingered a little longer on one memory, the day when everything changed.

_I was lying in a field. Things here were even greener than in Forks. If you would have asked me yesterday, I wouldn't have even thought such a place was possible. I was taking in the beauty and trying to commit it all to memory. It was the only place I knew and it would be a long time before I ever saw it again, if I even did at all._

_My eyes were closed as I happily soaked up the sun beaming down on me. When I heard steps approach I smiled, especially when I opened my eyes and saw the bottle of whiskey in his hands._

_"Kieran. My saviour." I found I wasn't surprised to hear my voice take on a recognizable Irish lilt, or that I greeted Trip by another name. It all felt right._

_"I aim to serve. Thought we could use one last good drink. Who knows what kind of slosh they have where we're heading." I smiled as he responded in a brogue that reflected my own._

_I was surprisingly calm. I was leaving everything I knew behind, but I was okay. The United States. It offered promise to so many others, maybe it held hope for us too._

_It was a time of great Famine and our country folk flocked to the new world in the thousands. We could blend in easily while we escaped, even though we fled something starkly different. It was also reassuring that the disease that flourished on the crowded ships offered no real threat to us._

_We laid there, not really speaking, taking turns drinking straight from the bottle._

_It was no different than the millions of other times that the two of us had drank there together in our lives. We'd had years of practice after all._

_I looked into the end of the bottle, shaking it in vain. I threw it backwards over my shoulder into the trees before curling up with my head on his stomach._

_He decided to break our silence. "Don't you feel like we should be doing something to mark this momentous occasion? We're changing destiny here." I laughed, considering briefly that maybe we weren't changing it but rather finding it._

_"What are you insinuating there Kier, that you would take advantage of a lady on the cusp of a new life, intoxicated and full of nerves?"_

_"Who is this _lady_ you speak of?" I jabbed at him playfully and he continued. "And it's not taking advantage if all participants are willing." He raised his eyebrows suggestively as I laughed._

_We both knew it was a joke, not that it wasn't something we had tried 200 years earlier, back when we were much younger. It had been well established though that we were too much like family to do that again._

_The modern part of myself, watching the scene play out in front of me couldn't help but laugh. I found it ironic we had to go through the same experience again many years in the future, in our new lives, just to come to the same conclusion._

_The moment was interrupted as we heard approaching footsteps and both took a deep breath, looking to the trees. As Charlotte stepped forward I greeted her with a smile and her long forgotten name. "Honora."_

_She looked back at us. "Kieran, Bedelia." My name rolling off her tongue was familiar but distant at the same time. "Sorry to break up the love fest, but it's time to go."_

JPOV:

Three hours. That's how long we just sat there watching their motionless bodies. Carlisle said there nothing we could do right now. We had to sit and wait.

That was easier said then done. How could I just sit here and do nothing. Lying before me were three people who were quite important to me. Charlotte was one of my oldest friends in the world. I hadn't known Trip that long but he was quickly become a good friend. And then there was Bella, the girl who was changing everything for me. And he wanted me to do nothing.

He looked them over and was satisfied that physically, they were not in any danger. He had tried some various methods to wake them up, to no avail. He said that now we would have to wait out whatever they were going through.

He said it was almost as if they were dreaming and their emotions supported his theory. The various emotions were so strong, in all three of them lust, fear, loneliness, anger, hope, determination, peace.

Peter sat motionless at Charlotte's side, but I had begun to pace. I was not the type to wait around and do nothing.

Carlisle decided to step in and provide a distraction. "I know we are all a little stressed right now. But I think it would be in our best interest to get all the information we can."

Everyone looked to me, I guess because they were still wondering what they had walked in on earlier. I continued to pace. "I don't know where to start."

Esme spoke up. "How about you start from the beginning dear. One thing I'm sure we'd all love to know is why I can smell smoke clinging to the two of you." She motioned her finger between Bella and I. I knew that was bound to come up sooner or later.

I sighed, stopping my pacing to look at her. "Things are different now Esme. I know you may not agree with some of our choices and there are going to be some things in this story that you don't like."

Peter chimed in for the first time in hours. "What, like how the two of you have become regular old Cheech and Chong?" I could tell his heart wasn't in it. He was terrified and made a sad attempt humour, his normal way of dealing with situations.

Emmett chuckled at the idea and Carlisle gave a heart hearted laugh. Esme on the other hand looked between us all. "I don't have any idea what you are talking about but someone better start tell me what's going on this instant." I smiled at Esme's motherly attitude, even now.

Carlisle laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "That's not important right now dear. Jasper please continue."

I nodded. "I normally wouldn't think it was my place to tell you everything without Bella, but I think in this case she would understand."

I told them how I tried to get away on my own, not making any real decisions. I didn't get too deep into that time of my existence though, it wasn't really relevant now.

I went on to the part when I finally gave in and called Peter and Charlotte and sure enough ended up in Rhode Island. I recounted the story of the night I stumbled upon her, held in Trip's arms. I could feel all of their curiosity and when I told them that she was drugged I could feel Emmett's anger, Carlisle's disgust, Esme's worry.

I explained how I battled with Bella pushing me away. I tried to get across how she wasn't the same girl and not just because she drank and swore like a sailor sometimes. I described how she fought with herself, wanting to let me in, while at the same time not wanting to trust anyone. They nodded but I could feel some confusion coming from them.

Emmett was blunt as always though. "What had her so scared? What happened after she asked us to leave her."

I braced myself, not knowing how they were going to handle this part. I found myself rubbing the back of my neck, a habit I had picked up while trying to fit in with humans. "The thing is, that's not exactly what happened. Bella never wanted us to go. Edward told her that _he_ didn't want _her_ anymore."

I could feel their combined shock. Esme was the first to speak. "But he loved her so much. That can't be true. I don't understand." I nodded. I knew she was right, I had felt his love.

I decided to continue, I didn't want to talk about Edward. "Well, after we left, Bella said that she became a type of zombie. She was hurt, lost and alone. But then her friend Jacob Black helped to bring her out of it.

"She said it didn't fix things, but it eased them a bit. Well, it turns out he was a wolf." I paused, preparing to deal with their shock again.

"A descendent of Ephraim Black?" Carlisle asked, understanding dawning on him.

I nodded. "Well, once Bella found out, the alpha forbid him from seeing or speaking to her."

I felt all of their sadness and regret. I had felt the same way for allowing us to leave her in the beginning. Now I knew it had at least brought us together.

I continued, telling them how things got worse and Charlie sent her away to her mother and step father. I tried to explain how Bella rebelled, without getting into too much detail for poor Esme. I finished with how she was then shipped off once again and she came here with Trip.

Everyone was speechless as I sighed. "I don't know by what miracle she ended up letting me in, but somehow she trusts me." I didn't know anymore if I talking to them or myself. "And thank God, because I think I've fallen for her."

I saw a smile spread across Esme's face and one playing at Carlisle's lips. Any other time they would be happy for me. For now, I figured it best to keep going. "I'm not going to lie and say it's an easy road. But I know she still loves you all."

Emmett spoke up again. "Well I will do whatever I have to to get my lil' sis back."

I could feel all of their love and determination as Esme and Carlisle nodded.

We were silent for a minute until Esme asked the question I'm sure was on all their minds. "And who is this Trip?"

I tried to recount what I knew about his and Bella's time in Florida. I explained how hi and Bella were fast friends and pretty much inseparable, how he got through to her when no one could. I also shared how much I had grown to like him since Bella introduced us.

I reluctantly told them about our first meeting and how he was able to get away from me, how I couldn't sense him in any way. Their shock reached a new high as Emmett again spoke the obvious. "Now that you say it I can't get anything from him either, not even a heartbeat. But it was there earlier."

I nodded. "From what I have gathered it seems to be when he is on the defensive that it kicks in. Maybe it has to do with what he's dreaming about."

Carlisle's interest was raised. "How interesting a gift. And for him and Bella to both have such strong gifts present when they are human. It's like nothing I have ever seen."

I could hear Bella's breathing returning back to its normal speed. She would be waking, soon. Trip's was doing the same. I nodded and Peter surprised us by speaking again, relaxing a bit in the fact this was almost over.

"Speaking of gift, don't forget to tell them about her pulling a Hulk the other night."

The other three vampires' heads spun to face me as I sighed. "Yes, well, there is something else. The other day when you called she got scared that I was going to leave and I was holding her to me and well, she pushed me away." They all just stared at me in confusion. "Literally. To the other side of the room."

If this had been another time, I would have laughed at the absurdity of the vampires gaping in front of me.

"And it wasn't the first time." I didn't get into details about the other occurrence though because I wasn't sure what Bella would want them to know about that night. And more importantly, they were waking up.

We were waiting close by, while still giving the three enough space to not seem threatening. We didn't know what to expect and though they were not waking from the burn most of us had been around enough newborns to be cautious nonetheless.

But as Bella's eyes shot open searching and then landing on me, I was by her side in a second. "Jasper." She whispered my name with understanding and in another second she was in my arms.

I found myself looking over her to make sure she was okay, checking every inch of her body I could see. She seemed physically fine, and I was momentarily distracted as she placed her hands on my cheeks, bringing her own lips to mine.

Our calm was back. Everything was going to be fine. I smiled into the kiss, thankful that she was okay. She pulled away to breathe, and once we were no longer moulded into one, I felt heavy understanding fall onto her.

She began looking frantically around the room until her eyes fell onto Trip and then Charlotte. The next thing I knew she was kneeling on the ground as the three of them embraced.

Bella was crying and I had to resist the urge to go and comfort her. I knew that she needed this. Trip was holding on tightly to her and a sobbing Charlotte.

The rest of us went to the kitchen so that we weren't hovering, but would still be close. We knew it would be a long night and they could probably use some coffee. I could feel the love, relief and understanding pouring out of the other room.

After awhile, I felt a strong bout of determination. I suddenly felt myself start to panic, not something that happened often. I had felt this before, it was just like when she used to pull away from me. Except this time it was even stronger, but I could also feel her reluctance and grief over what she was doing.

Trip's voice cut me out of my daze. "Well you know I've followed you across the world before Cookie, I'm not about to stop now." He confirmed my suspicions, and although I didn't have an idea in hell what he was talking about I knew what she was doing

I heard Bella next. An angel's voice reporting news that would shatter me. "Char, they probably don't know about you if they didn't come before. I know you can't go, you belong with Peter. It's okay, we don't expect you to leave with us."

I was there in an instant, and I saw Bella and Trip standing at the door with Charlotte still in the middle of the room.

I looked at her retreating figure, trying to pour much I wanted her to stay into my emotions. "Bella, please don't do this."

She didn't look me in the eyes and I knew it was because I felt her resolve wavering. "Jasper, I'm sorry. I have loved you longer than you know. But this is the only way."

What the fuck was she talking about. There had to be another way.

Wait, did she just tell me she loved me.

Charlotte gave it one last attempt. "You've always trusted me before, please don't stop now. It's better if we all stay together."

I heard Carlisle starting to question Charlotte and her telling them they may want to sit down. I knew this was going to be complicated since vampires really had no need to sit.

I saw Bella and Trip start out the door and I called out to her with the only words I could think of to stop her. "Bella, you are doing exactly what Edward did to you. Exactly what you were afraid we would do to you."

I saw her stop in her tracks confused and guilty.

But my attention was turned back to the house as Carlisle asked Charlotte who it was that was after them and if they had anything to do with what just happened. It was something we had all been wondering.

I couldn't help the growl that escaped my chest at her response. "Well I couldn't say for sure, but I reckon its the army led by Bella's fiancé."

**A/N: I would really like to hear feedback about where we're going. I'm hoping you're all still following. I would love to hear what you think is going to happen. Also I didn't write in an Irish accent, rather choosing to just explain they had one. I didn't want to make it difficult to read, or mess it up.**

**There's still a lot to be revealed, included where Jasper, and some of the Cullens fit into this, what the three really are, and who's after them. This is just the tip of the iceberg, so stay tuned.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hi, everyone. Sorry this took awhile, real life, work, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, a few things. 1st: this story now has a banner, check it out in my profile. I would love to hear what you guys think of it.**

**2nd: I posted a teaser for this chapter on The Twilight Awards and The Fictionators this week and will probably continue to do so. Links in my profile. I am also thinking of sending out the teaser (when I have it) with review replies if people would be interested.**

**Anyway, I own nothing. Theme this chapter is by an amazing band, The Mountain Goats. It's called Idylls of the King, link on my profile. The scenes in italics in this chapter are memories.**

**A special shout out to Lady Stardust 619 and Reading is a Passion2 for each guessing part what was happening. A lot will be revealed here, so please hit the review button and tell me if you liked it now that some things have been explained. Thanks and sorry for the long ass note.**

Previously:

But my attention was turned back to the house as Carlisle asked Charlotte who it was that was after them and if they had anything to do with what just happened. It was something we had all been wondering.

I couldn't help the growl that escaped my chest at her response. "Well I couldn't say for sure, but I reckon its the army led by Bella's fiancé."

CharPOV:

_The three of us sat in my one room house, located a fair distance behind the main house. The place was small, but I was lucky to have it to myself. The rest of the servants had to live together._

_We were smoking rolled tobacco, a habit that had yet to catch on with many people who were not soldiers._

_I looked down at the girl that I would later know as Bella. "Bedelia, your parents will be none too pleased if they find you here. I cannot even begin to imagine what they will say."_

_She laughed, a real carefree laugh. "Well I guess that's their problem, is it not?"_

_She laid across the one piece of furniture I had, my bed. Her feet were stretched across my body with her head laid in Kieran's lap. The young man that would later be called Trip nodded his acceptance._

_I smiled at the people who had really become my only family after my parents' death._

_Bedelia's parents really would not be happy to find her here. Kieran's family would not be too happy either, but I doubted they even cared enough to look._

_Bedelia took a drink from the bottle of whiskey she had brought with her, just as the door blew open. I knew, even without my "feelings" that this was not going to be good._

_The eyes of the woman standing at the door bore into each one of us. Yet as she spoke, her voice remained calm. "Bedelia, come with me."_

_Bedelia took a drag of her cigarette. "I will be around later, I am not through just yet."_

_She was brave, that was for sure. Few people would disrespect the Queen by refusing an order._

_Her answer wasn't good enough for the woman at the door. "That is enough. Why must you act like this? I gave you time, but you are far too old to still be this rebellious. Is this simply some ploy to hurt us?"_

_Bedelia did not miss a beat with her answer. "Not everything is about you, mother." She spat the last word._

_"Have you been drinking?" I saw her rage building and Bedelia knew it too. She could have fought her if she wanted to, but instead she got up and followed to the door. "What are we going to do with you?"_

_I was sure she left to protect us, not herself. She would get a slap on the wrist, but the consequences could be much worse for us._

_I looked over at Kieran. "Give me a drink, will you?"_

_We sat there for another few minutes until I was hit with a feeling, stronger than any I had in the past. I knew that we were really in trouble this time. I sat up, straight as a board. "Kieran, they are going to come for you. You have to run. Now! We will find you, just go!"_

JPOV:

I had been pestering Charlotte incessantly for about ten minutes, trying to get a straight answer out of her, when Bella returned through the door with Trip in tow.

I didn't know exactly what had happened to change her mind and cause her to return. She had been dead set on leaving, for my good and the good of the others. I guessed that between me and Char we had gotten through to her.

Everyone in the room stopped speaking and faced the door, awaiting some sort of explanation for the mayhem that was taking place. She sighed, looking right at me. "You're right. I will not be like _him_. I would be a hypocrite if I left without giving you a choice. But I have a feeling once you find out what's going on you may ask us to go."

I knew that it didn't matter what she had to say, I would never wish her away. She was holding onto Trip's hand for support but I didn't find myself jealous over their touch.

"First off, I'm sorry that I ran from you." She looked at Emmett then Carlisle then Esme. "It was just too much, and it's going to take some time, but I'm still sorry."

They all gave her a smile. Esme was the first to speak. "Of course dear. We're just happy that you're willing to let us try."

Bella nodded and Peter spoke up. "Great. Now will someone please tell us what the fuck is going on?" Though he put it a little more crudely than some of the others in the room would have, the sentiment was shared by all.

Charlotte, Trip, and Bella looked between each other, seemingly trying to figure out how to best broach the subject.

Ultimately Bella was the one to speak. "I don't suppose we can just pretend that never happened?" She asked with raised eyebrows.

The five pairs of vampire eyes staring her down were apparently response enough, so with a sigh and a glance at Charlotte and Trip she continued. "Fine."

She turned to me as she continued speaking. "But if we're going to get in to this, for the love of God Jasper, I'm going to need a drink and a fucking cigarette." I saw Charlotte and Trip nod their agreement as Bella looked at each of the others. "And I'm not going to catch any shit for it either. Those are the terms, take it or leave it."

I watched as they all nodded, shock overwhelming the room. I smiled at Emmett and Peter's awe and went to fetch her terms.

"Yes ma'am." I had to admit, bossy Bella was kind of a turn on. In that moment I even forgot that she had failed to mention to me that she was engaged to another man.

I grabbed two bottles, figuring by the end of this conversation we might all need a drink. I then led us outside, making sure I grabbed a few blankets.

We went and sat next to our tree, Bella and Trip bundled in their winter gear. I think Bella wanted the comfort this place brought her, but we couldn't all fit comfortably in the tree.

As she lit the cigarette I placed between her lips, she looked to Charlotte to begin the story. I knew she was feeling overwhelmed, even without my gift. I didn't know if it was appropriate anymore, but I brought her to sit between my legs, wrapping my arms around her and resting my chin on her shoulder. She seemed to relax a bit in my hold and that brought me some comfort.

Charlotte began speaking, as if she were telling a fairy tale rather than her own story "Well, I guess our story really begins a couple thousand years ago, on the other side of the world. Now pay close attention, a few of you will be makin' a cameo appearance.

"Early Europe was filled with many groups of people roaming the continent. Before Christians came to Ireland, there were other religious groups living there. There was one group in particular that held a great deal of respect and power among the Celtic people who occupied the land, due to their perceived magical abilities and spirituality."

"The Druids." Carlisle's question sounded more like a statement. I guess growing up and living in England, he was aware of some Irish folklore.

Charlotte nodded. "Yes."

Emmett looked confused already. "Those people that dance around naked and sacrifice people?"

In that moment Trip and Charlotte both looked mildly disgusted. I imagined Bella did too but I couldn't see her face from my perch atop her shoulder.

Charlotte was quick to correct him. "There was little written evidence left of the Druids and today there are many misconceptions surrounding them. Though some early Druids did practice sacrifice, they were nothing like the image today.

"They were around at least a few centuries before time began being marked by the birth of Christ. No one really knows exactly how long. They served a similar role as priests would to Catholicism.

"They were called seers and were thought to have a sort of spiritual connection that some attributed to magic. They would study for decades, learning passages akin to spells. Because of all of this, they were prestigious among the Celtic peoples.

"However, under Roman rule, they were mostly eliminated, with the exception of a few pockets that would re-appear every couple of centuries. They never again held the power they once did though, as Christianity took hold on the continent."

We all sat a minute taking in what Charlotte had just told us. What did this have to do with what happened tonight? Was she trying to tell us they were Druids? That didn't make sense, I thought they were only men.

By now Bella had finished her cigarette and had moved on to one of the bottles of whiskey I had brought. She forwent the glass, drinking straight from the bottle. Had this been any other time, the action alone would have driven me mad with desire.

She gave Charlotte the bottle and so Trip picked up where she left off. "There was another group of people, often likened to divine beings, living on Earth. I suppose you would know them as Fairies."

Emmett interrupted with another question. "What, like Tinkerbell?"

Trip sighed. "Again, another misconception. I would think that you guys, of all people, would understand that folklore rarely gets the facts right. I don't see any of your fangs, or you bursting into flames under the sun. Or maybe I should get some garlic and we can test that one out."

His words seemed to create a panic in the room. Had Bella told him what we were? Did he pick up on it without us realizing? My own head snapped over to him as Bella rubbed my arm gently. "Don't worry, he knew long before he met you. He just didn't remember. He'll get there, just let him finish."

With that, Peter passed me the bottle of whiskey and I did not hesitate to take a large swig of it as Trip continued. "So no, they did not have wings. They were basically humans, but immortal. Well, immortal in the sense that vampires are I guess. While it is possible to kill them, they would never die naturally. However, being that they still held human bodies, it was a lot easier to kill them than vampires.

"In reality, they were just another race of people trying to find their place in Europe, eventually forced into hiding under Christianity. By the 7th century the members that remained in both of these groups of people had gone into hiding due to religious persecution. And soon, as far as the world knew they had only been the stuff of legends."

Trip paused and again I was confused as to why he was telling us this. Where did this all fit in?

Carlisle was intrigued, Esme and Peter contemplative. Emmett was just damn confused and I couldn't say I blamed him. He was the first to speak. "Okay, well that's a great history lesson, but what the fuck does it have to do with us now?"

"I'm getting there. This story takes place over many centuries, it's hard to get it all out in five minutes." I could feel Trip's frustration and I was sure this was the most I had ever heard him speak at once. As if Charlotte understood, she took over and I passed the bottle to Trip who gave me a thankful smile.

"Well, around the year 800, Orla, one of the remaining Fairies, fell in love with Niul. Niul was a Druid, also living in hiding. They were both killed by vampires, but not before they had conceived a child, a daughter. They called her Niamh, the name for eternal youth. She had been in the care of another at the time of the attack, sparing her her life.

"She became the first in a new line of people. Like the wolves that Bella had told us about, their mission was to protect people from the emerging vampire population.

"She possessed traits from both cultures. She gained a magical spirituality which she could draw on at will, and was also part immortal. Once she grew to full maturity she became static in her body. She would not die, unless of course she was killed.

"Though she was able to protect herself through her power, her body was essentially human. She had many children of her own, who in turn had many more children and so on. Eventually though, she was killed. Many of her descendants would suffer the same fate over the years, either at the hands of vampires, or humans who thought them to be witches."

The group again fell silent. Carlisle spoke everyone's frustration. "That is a very interesting tale. I'm just not sure where you are going with it."

Charlotte and Trip both looked at Bella who sighed heavily in my arms before reaching for the bottle of whiskey. She took a swig, finishing off the bottle. I was glad that I had brought two.

And then Bella spoke for the first time in a long while, her voice a bit shaky. "Niamh was my grandmother."

A sudden dose of understanding struck the group, but more confusion soon took its place.

Everyone started speaking at once.

"What does that mean?"

"What does that have to do with Trip and Charlotte?"

"What does that have to do with what happened tonight?"

Bella raised her hand in an attempt to silence the crowd. It worked rather efficiently and she went on to tell us more of this woman Niamh, who was actually her very distant grandmother, about 20 greats worth.

"Others saw what Niamh had become, and other Druids and Fairies came together, creating their own cross-breeds. This group of people began to call themselves the Tochta, meaning emotions."

"Emotions." I hadn't even realized I had said it out loud until Bella turned and smiled at me. The power that I had always felt behind her emotions now made a whole lot more sense.

"Yes, both the Druids and Fairies were very emotion-driven. The Druids relied on their emotions to fuel their spiritual magic. And though the physical aspects of Fairies had been greatly exaggerated, their emotions were quite ethereal, beautiful yet very delicate.

"When the two came together, the result was a very emotional being. Pure emotions were the most powerful, and it was from the purest emotion of all that Niamh was born. As time went on, Niamh's direct descendants became the rulers of the Tochta.

"The centuries wore on, and as the number of vampires increased, so too did the number of Tochta. Though, as Trip said before, there were many casualties to witch hunts and vampires. The number never grew out of hand, and in general they were successful at keeping their race a secret.

"The power began to go to some of their heads though. The Tochta were becoming power hungry and killing vampires for the fun of it, not just protection. They were bitter, and driven by anger.

"Not everyone felt this way though. There was a sub-group within the Tochta that were much more pacifist, and didn't want to fight unless necessary.

"Eventually there was a civil war amongst our people that began when my mother's mother was killed, by an adamant pastor who was in search of witches and other supernatural creatures."

She paused, obviously waiting for someone to make a connection. Eventually she looked to Carlisle and I felt his understanding. "My father?"

Bella nodded.

"I'm truly sorry." He meant it. He felt for any role that his family played in hurting another. "We discussed his work often and I don't recall him ever discussing any such group with me."

Bella gave him a small smile. "I believe it was before you were born Carlisle. And besides, after that he was persuaded to forget about us." We all understood that there was some sort of magic involved.

Carlisle nodded his acceptance and Bella continued. "After her death, my mother and uncle were the legitimate heirs to the throne. My mother had just married my father, a strong advocate for killing all vampires. My uncle, though I never met him, was a peaceful man and wanted to lead our people to find a peaceful solution. Her death and the uncertainty of the future provided the opportune time for war between the two factions to break out.

"Neither Trip, nor I really experienced this time." She skipped over Charlotte as I felt anger, sadness and pain flowing from the small vampire. It was replaced with relief when Bella moved past the topic as quickly as possible. "It was a bloody time for our people and lasted almost half a century. The side who wished to bring an end to all vampires won out. Most of the army fell on this side, so they really had the advantage.

"My mother and father thus became the rulers of our people and I was born as Bedelia in 1653, shortly before the war ended. Trip had been born as Kieran one year before me." I again noticed how she failed to mention Charlotte, but I didn't press the issue.

"I had an older brother, and he was raised as a fighter, to rule our people. I never really had any desire to lead, or to fight. I was not allowed to voice any of these concerns though, so I was kept hidden away as much as was socially acceptable.

"Trip and I were friends our entire lives. He was so laid back and he didn't want any part of the fighting either. His father was one of the top men in the army and because of his casual attitude, his parents paid him little attention. He had brothers who followed the mantra that fighting was the only way, and he was easily forgotten." I was surprised by her words, but there was no hurt coming from Trip.

"We were two peas in a pod really and spent most of our time together. It was the same as it is now. We liked to drink, read, remain on the outskirts, go against the grain. Of course my parents didn't approve but as long as we kept it behind closed doors they generally put up with my 'rebellion'." She air quoted the final word before continuing.

"Then, my brother was killed in a rebellion in 1798 and it changed everything. The rebellion was not something to do with the Tochta, rather Ireland at large. He just happened to be in the crossfire." I felt some sadness from Bella and I squeezed her a bit tighter and was rewarded with a gentle smile.

"Suddenly I was supposed to take his place. My attitude was a problem. My drinking was a problem. My behaviour was a problem. Everything I did was under scrutiny as I was thrown head first into a life I wanted no part of.

"They tried to separate Trip and I, claiming he was a bad influence. Thankfully, his family's prestige left them little room to do so. My only real friends were Trip and Charlotte." She became silent, looking to Charlotte who nodded her on with a sad smile.

"Charlotte was born Honora in 1600. She had been the daughter of two of my uncle's greatest supporters, a peaceful family. They were both killed in the war, and she was raised a servant to my family. She grew up in the war and she was only left alive because they thought her gift would be a great asset."

She looked at Charlotte who once again nodded her on. "Charlotte gets feelings about things before they happened."

I looked over at both her and Peter in shock. That wasn't Charlotte. I had known them both for so many years, there was no way I could have been fooled. "But-I thought-"

Charlotte cut me off. "I know you always thought it was Peter who somehow knew things. Everyone did. I'm sorry I let you believe that, but I had to. At the time, I didn't even remember who I was, but I knew that I would become a target if people found out."

I nodded, still a bit in shock.

Bella got up to go grab some more alcohol, because by now, everyone was taking part in the drinking, even Esme. Trip took over for her then, giving a small smile to Char. "You can see why they didn't want Bella around her, coming from an enemy family and all.

"The three of us were really the only ones left that didn't follow the party line. We continued to spend our time together, much as before and Bella's parents decided that they had to do something else. So they arranged her marriage to Mannix."

Trip paused to mumble some expletives under his breath and I felt a growl in my chest. Bella sat back down in front of me as she returned with the alcohol, put a calming hand on my face. She didn't have to say anything because I felt her overwhelming disgust, along with that of Trip and Charlotte. There was nothing else there, no love, longing, nostalgia, nothing.

I relaxed again and Trip continued. "He was the general of the Tochta army and Bella's parents saw the potential for a powerful alliance. Bella was strong, more powerful than just about anyone. She had the direct line which enhanced her power, but her emotions were also much more pure than that of her parents who were ruled by greed." I smiled and let her feel my pride for her, earning myself a smile as well.

"They also thought it could help keep her in line, but still things remained the same. Whenever she could, she snuck away to see us, and by the mid-1800s her parents had enough. They decided to eliminate us from the picture. They could keep Charlotte at bay easily enough since they had control over her life. But they decided to kill me.

"What they didn't realize, because no one ever paid any damn attention to me, was that I had a gift too."

I interrupted. "Your ability to keep yourself hidden." It wasn't a question.

He nodded. "Our gifts are like those of vampires, often growing out of our own qualities. Charlotte always had good intuition, I liked to be out of the spotlight as much as possible. Bella was always protecting those she loved, hence her shield."

There was another moment of understanding. Edward could never read Bella's mind This was something I would bring up again at a later time.

Trip continued, explaining his gift a bit more. "The three of us decided to leave before they could. We fled, using my gift to keep us hidden and they were unable to track us. We came to America and began a new life."

As Trip ended the story, Bella looked at me warily. Her nerves were starting to overpower me. "What's the matter darlin'?"

"Well, do you want us to leave now? If they are coming for us, it's not your fight."

Oh, my silly girl. I bent down and kissed her sweetly on the lips. "Anybody who picks a fight with you, picks one with me. You're not going anywhere." As to illustrate my point I wrapped my arms around her.

There were nods around the room, but she wasn't completely convinced yet. "But I was made to hurt you." I could see the tears behind her eyes at the thought.

I bent down close to her ear. "But you couldn't. I trust you." I felt her relief, and I couldn't help but smile at the ironic turn of events as she relaxed into me.

Carlisle spoke, the voice of reason. "That's a lot to take in, but what occurred tonight? And why did you not remember before?" She had never said they didn't remember, but we knew Bella never would have gotten close to us just to hurt us. It wasn't in her.

Bella sighed. "Well, the Druids believed in reincarnation. It was not something our people really subscribed to though, more of an old myth.

"Eventually they did come for us in America. We had to do something, and it was an idea the three of us had been researching for some time." I knew there was more to what happened once they were in the States, but I figured we had enough to absorb for one night so I didn't push it.

Carlisle continued his questioning though. "So, there was a fight, and you three were killed, being reincarnated without your memories until you all met again?"

Nobody answered as Bella took out a cigarette. By this point everyone was smoking except Carlisle and Esme. I was fairly certain that even Carlisle would be taking part now if Esme wasn't here. She didn't reprimand anyone for it though, and that was a big step for her.

Bella inhaled deeply and nodded. "Typically, when someone is reincarnated, they wouldn't remember their old life, but we used a spell. If we were all together again we would remember. We figured that would mean we had been captured. Tonight, us fainting, was us getting our memories back." She was holding something back and so I squeezed her gently. "But there was never a fight."

We waited for her to continue but she never did. Instead Trip laid a reassuring hand on her knee and spoke for her. "We killed ourselves."

The growl from both Peter and I drowned out the silence that had filled the room.

Luckily for us, Emmett changed the subject slightly. Bella was grateful for it too, but she knew we weren't through with the subject. "But I don't get how Charlotte was reincarnated as a vampire." He was scratching his head.

Bella forcibly placed her face in her palm at Emmett's remark with a small giggle. It seems she was starting to feel all the whiskey. I spoke for her. "Well it seems we got to Charlotte before she had fully died. She was reborn alright, but it was her change that happened first."

Bella nodded and explained further. "We're not like the wolves. Venom is not poison to our bodies. We have the ability to be changed into vampires. We are essentially human, although a little accentuated."

She paused with a small smile, like her next words had some double meaning I didn't understand. "Everything about us draws you in. Our blood smells sweeter than any humans."

We all nodded our understanding. Bella's blood had smelled better than any human I had experienced, apart from Charlotte. I hadn't smelled Trip's blood, but when I did catch his scent it was rather enticing.

We all sat silent for a good few minutes, absorbing the weight of the information we were presented with. Bella was part of a group of people whose very existence centred on killing vampires. What a fucking curve-ball.

Emmett broke through the tension that filled the room. "So what you're saying is maybe _we_ were the ones who needed protection from _you_, Bells."

With his comment, the tension broke and we all began to laugh.

We all had more questions, I'm sure. I knew that Carlisle was curious about their powers. Peter and I surely wondered about our role and logistics. But we had all experienced enough for one night, first with the reunion, then the worry while they were passed out, now this information.

So we spent the next few hours finishing the alcohol that remained in the house, discussing lighter subjects. Peter recounted stories of when he first found Bella and I stoned in the living room, and even Esme laughed a little.

I looked down at Bella who had begun to relax into my chest as the conversation progressed. Her breathing was steady and sure enough she was asleep. I figured she must be getting cold so I decided to bring her in. "I'm going to put Bella to bed, she's had a long day." Everyone agreed as they continued their conversations.

I took her up to bed and laid her down, wondering if I should leave. I didn't know where we stood at the moment. As I turned and headed for the door I heard her. "Jasper? Jasper, don't go."

I chuckled and turned back around, crawling in next to her. Her eyes were still closed and I thought she had fallen back to sleep. "Jasper. I didn't. I didn't mean to hide it. I didn't remember and I was never going to marry him and I didn't love him and" She trailed off as I smiled at her rambling,

"Shh, it's okay. Get some sleep Twink." I kissed her on the forehead and she smiled, cuddling into me as she drifted off.

Now I had time to think. Here's what I knew. She was older than I had ever imagined. Older than us all, save for Carlisle.

Her people, who were bred to kill vampires, were looking for her. They had powers and gifts, and would probably find us eventually.

Hearing of her life before she was reborn, I understood the Bella I knew today much better. When I first encountered her here in Rhode Island, she was so different than the girl we knew in Forks. It seems she is a combination of that girl and her old self, producing this girl I now knew and cared for.

I also knew that it was possible that it was this Mannix guy that considered her his own that was looking for her. But she hadn't loved him.

_I've loved you longer than you know._

She had said she loved me. Longer than I knew? What did she mean by that. I knew there was more to the story. Charlotte had said that a few of us would appear in her story, yet only Carlisle had. I couldn't help but wonder what part I might play in all of this.

But none of those things mattered right now. They were all diluted by the possibility that the girl wrapped in my arms might just love me.

**A/N: Sooo... waits nervously to hear what you think...**

**I know it was mostly just dialogue, but you guys were itching for some information, so I hope it did the trick.**


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